Monday, December 26, 2005

You Did What???

I'm back finally, what a weekend. The kids got tons of toys, clothes, us parents got money. Lots of fighting over toys, lots of food, heated discussions on politics, you all know how it goes.

My husband told me about this blog where a guy blogged about something and was busted by police reading his blog. I wonder how much that really does happen. I did something very horrible, it was a complete accident but the fact that it happened has traumatized me for life. You try to be the perfect mom and you say "I'd never do that" but then you do it and you can't comprend that Yes it can happen to you. Well that's I think, where I am today. I'm trying to cope with what I did and even though I thought I would never be stupid enough to do it, I did and now I'm working trying to get myself to realize that other people have done this as well and I'm not alone.

We needed to finish shopping for the kids so my sister and cousin came over to take care of Dominic and Alexzandra for us so we could go get it done. I asked them about Damien and Mandi said I probably better take him since she's not sure what to do with a baby. I yelled at Dave I was heading to the car and to hurry. I took Damien and strapped him in his chair then sat and waited for Dave. We first headed out to Dollar General since they have great little stocking stuffers at the right price. We went in for about 30 minutes and got all kinds of junk then had to wait in line forever. Finally when I got to the front I opened my purse to pay and saw a binkie. I then just about fell to the floor from fainting when I realized Damien was still in the minivan. I whispered to Dave, I should say I could barely even mumble words I was so shook up I said, "go...minivan, Damien now." His exact words after getting a terrified look on his face was "oh shit!" He had no idea I brought Damien with us. I was shaking so bad, my hands were completely numb and I felt like I had a brick on my chest. The woman checker was telling me about something. It was about Christmas but it was like in slow motion as I was trying to write my check which you couldn't even read because I was having a hard time getting my fingers to even write. As soon as she gave me my receipt I ran to the minivan where Dave came from the driver's side and said "he's been asleep this whole time, there's not even a tear on his face." I just bawled and got in the passenger side because I was in no way, shape, or form to drive. I've been drilling myself on what kind of mom am I if I'm going to forget my 5 month old in the car. Obviously I'm thinking of other things which I must find more important than my own child's safety. Hopefully I can get passed this but since friday I've been stuck in this funk on I'M A HORRIBLE MOM. I'm just really lucky that he wasn't awake screaming in the car because I'm sure the outcome could have been alot worse.


Lisa said...

I can so see me doing something like that. With three children, especially with the youngest being a baby, you are so sleep-deprived you can hardly remember your own name. (At least I would think so.)

I hope you didn't beat yourself up too much about it. Because obviously you didn't do it on purpose.

I'm a SAHM too. Love your photos.

nita said...

holy crap! how did i miss this?!

whew. i know how you feel. it happens, it's okay, never think about it again. hopefully this is your only big foul up and you've gotten it out of the way and you're home free foreverrrrrr.