Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Back In The Day

Back in the Day we were 16 years old in these pictures and so in love! Well at least I hope he was too! LOL I remember my mom always asking when we were going to have kids and we'd always say NEVER! I seriously didn't want kids at all and it was the last of my worries. I even had a pregnancy scare at 17 in which my mom told his mother that we were having sex and I was "late." Thing was his parents pretty much already knew we were doing it because we were doing it at their house every weekend. Dave's door handle was broken and he could take it off whenever so no one would walk in and they took that as their clue that something was going on in there and not to disturb!

His parents were so different than mine. I had a strict curfew of being home at midnight. My mom would call his house and tell me to get my butt home. We only lived 4 blocks from each other so we were always at the others house. His parents let him run around, gave him tons of cash to blow, he even had his first car at 14! I had to buy my own at 16 a junky old Mustang we named Pokey. He had a lowered 70 something stepside Chevy truck pretty much like the ones you'd see in Lowrider Magazine.

We were always bickering and fighting when we were young. I never thought we'd be together this long. I NEVER EVER thought we'd have kids together. I started thinking about kids around 20 yrs old when we bought our first house. It was a perfect little bungalow that someone had completely redone. New kitchen, new berber carpet, refinished wood floors in the bedrooms, and a new bathroom! I loved that house. I started hinting to Dave about maybe getting pregnant. His answer was always no way! First I was joking alot about it. We were still always partying, going out the the bars and having friends over. Then I started getting a bit more pushy when I found out my sister got pregnant. I actually would tell him I was going to leave him if he didn't want to have kids. He'd cry and tell me "not yet, wait alittle longer" all the normal guy deterents. I'd always been really bad about taking my pill. I'm suprised I hadn't gotten pregnant anyways.

Here's the part where we get to a secret. I started a new job working for Collins/Wheeled Coach in August 1999. I was really depressed that I lost my old job as a Store Manager for Disc Jockey, a music store that they closed on me for lack of sales. There was just too much competition and then with downloading becoming quite common we couldn't compete. I'd go out with Steph a good friend of mine, get trashed I had no cares at that time. I really started messing up on my pill and forgot 4 pills in a row. I thought to myself two options.

1) use condoms for the rest of the month and start a new pack
2) don't take anymore pills and just see what happens

I decided on #2 just to see if you really mess up if you can get pregnant. Dave had no idea at first that I stopped taking them. When we found out I was pregnant October 20th 1999, my sister's birthday. The positive on that test came up FAST I'd been pregnant for a while obviously. He was so pissed. First thing out of his mouth was "you did this on purpose!" along with about 50 other cuss words. I told him I just forgot a few pills. I did finally tell him that I stopped taking them all together but I didn't think I could get pregnant. Actually I had PID when we first got together and my OB told me it may cause me not to have children so I wasn't lying completely.

He hated me the whole pregnancy. I had complications with pre eclampsia minus the seizures. I'd gain about 3 lbs a week, I had protein in my urine, my blood presure was off the charts, and I had major swelling. I weighed 215 lbs at her birth from the 160 I weighed before getting pregnant. He yelled at me all the time, I put together all her baby things, he didn't even come to my baby shower. It wasn't till right before I had her that we were in the grocery store and our old highschool English teacher saw us. He said to her we were having a baby all excited. It sorta freaked me out since he'd never talked to anyone about her before or acted happy at all about the pregnancy. Finally because of how bad my pregnancy was going we ended up having Alex alittle early and she was born June 6th vs my due date was the 26th.

I think alot of his behavior was from the lack of knowing what to expect in the future and with the money aspect of having kids. After she arrived he turned back into his normal self and has never been upset when finding out I was pregnant the last 3 times. With our loss, that baby was unexpected but he mourned with me. He was also wowed to find out after 5 months I was pregnant again with Damien. Now I wonder will we have anymore? We tell everyone NO who asks but I'm not sure if we know ourselves. Just talking seriously about him getting "fixed" makes us both say maybe that's not the best option. We'll just have to wait and see what happens I guess.

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