Well I caused quite the ruckus yesterday on a baby board. Voicing opinions is really not tolerated especially if you are the odd ball with 4 kids. Let me tell ya! :) My intent was not to stir up such controversy or attack, but really to voice, why worry about meaningless things? I wasn't trying to be judgemental or say I was better than anyone or a better parent. You know what though, maybe I was wrong for voicing what I thought on a public board. Who knows!
The subject we were speaking on was have you ever felt disconnected from your 2nd pregnancy. I voiced that with a toddler, it does seem to go quicker but I didn't feel disconnected to where I felt I didn't have motherly love. I think it drew us (Dave, Alex and I) together especially with counting down on the calender with Alex when the baby would come, feeling him kick and taking her to the appointments. But other things that were said were kind of hard for me to grasp. Crying over the wrong sex on a sono? Crying over being disappointed with twins? Growing to love a 2nd baby? It was not the original post that had me shaking me head, it was the ones that followed. I guess my way of thinking is different. I've been told in the past that our miscarriage has changed me not only as a person, but as a mother. I remember people dropping off flowers and gifts and thinking these people realize that we lost a baby, it wasn't just some "fetus" that didn't grow. I was blown away by generosity! I think I just relate better to people who've experienced the same feeling of loss in their life and then the overwhelming sense of love to follow after a loss. I'm hoping some of my miscarriage mommies read this they'll know exactly what I mean I think. I now take NOTHING for granted. I appreciate everything. I am so thankful! I believe that if you are blessed, you really shouldn't question or be disappointed in it. I can understand some fears of the unknown with being pregnant with a 2nd as far as can I do it, or will I be able to love it just as much as #1 (there is always room in our hearts to love another person or being) but worrying about what if the sex is not what you wanted and can you love it after that? I guess I just didn't know what to say! I myself would never visit a board though solely dedicated to people disappointed in a gender. And then I guess I'm just different in saying that when I found out about my pregnancies, I felt a love right then. I thought that was normal motherly instinct.. After losing our 3rd baby, I did though feel like with Damien, although I loved him, he was probably dead in there. It was the kicks when I realized he was going to be fine and I connected more to him although I still thought he'd die of a cord accident up till his birth. I was so happy with with Mia but afraid to upset Dave being so happy since she was more of a whoops! I was ready to burst but as soon as he said "wow" I was so excited to be able to share our joy.
Something that I had said yesterday that stirred the pot was Would you be disappointed over a special needs baby? I said that because I have the biggest feeling that if certain people were dealt that card, it would be the end of the world to them. Another board I frequent a woman announced awhile back that she was going to be a blessed mom to a "special baby." I was in awe at her words of how special this baby was to them. She could care less about Down Syndrome. He was beautiful (and he is!) and he was hers! It was amazing and her eloquent post brought me and the others to tears! I can say that is exactly how I would hope most would be in this World but I know that's not the case. If that was, we wouldn't have kids sitting in institutions rotting away. Even with my own son being classified as a "Special Needs" student I don't love him any less for his problems infact I think it makes me love him more! I don't know if he really has Aspergers, SID or if it's just PDD's of Autism like his teacher last year believes. I know there is something else going on there in his little mind but I hate to subject him to more tests and such just to find out. We do know he has ADHD w/ODD but that's about it. And I know I'll probably be in the Principal's office alot as he grows! lol That's ok! He's my special little guy and I love him! I do not believe shoving stimulant pills into him altering his personality is an answer. I've debated it over and over in my head if it's right or wrong (in fact I've fought myself on it) and I just don't see that as an answer. I think the school therapy and the "natural approach" we are going about works fine. I hate how people push pills as the answer to everything. It's not. We'd all be on pills for every thing if it was.
I am really sad about leaving the group, I love alot of the girls there and I wish them all well but honestly I think there's been certain people on there who's wanted me to leave for quite some time. I had told a few of the gals the past month or so that I really think that everyone thinks I'm a nut job on there for wanting more than the "norm" of kids and I was thinking they wanted me to go. I really wasn't trying to piss everyone off but when other posts started making me look like a real jackass, I just put my flame retardant suit on and voiced what I thought. I really don't believe people read my posts thoroughly (like normal) though because the responses back seemed to say completely opposite of what I said. I never said anyone was vain, I said I must be vain.
I know I have different thoughts from others. First I really don't like Bush which I'm sure people have read, I think our nation is way too dependant on other countries and we need to fix that for example outsourcing jobs. If I could, I would have loved to breastfeed for a year or two although I've only lasted 4 months at the longest with any of the kids. I think Co-sleeping is totally fine in fact I did with all 4 of mine till about 5-6 months when they started sleeping through. I don't believe in CIO (crying it out) and am quick to scoop up a child to figure out what the real problem is, I absolutely love having Mia attached to my hip or in the Snugli all the time in fact she is with me 95% of the time online! I love being a Stay at Home Mom and plan to stay that way till they are all in grade school, I think medicines are way overused in the world and believe in a more natural approach with herbs, supplements and other organic things, I think abortion is completely wrong, I would home school if I think I could do it but I'm sure I would do a horrible job (lol), We only buy organic fruits and veggies for the kids. We've been buying Tyson's antibiotic free chicken the past few months. We buy our beef from a special family grocer. I'd like to switch to Organic milk but can't at the moment due to the price since we buy so much. I'm just a different parent I guess but I think everything we do is out of love for our kids. I don't doubt anyone on the board doesn't love their kids, I just wish people would understand that some people arent as lucky as they are.
Well I've really neglected my house today by writing this post on and off for hours and hours so I'd better get on it. I hope everyone can sorta see where I'm coming from. If not I'm sorry that I made such a mess of the board. Good luck with all of your babies!