I feel like I've put up with a lot of crap regarding his work. Since he was promoted to management last July I feel it's ruled his life. I often wonder if it really is this demanding or if he makes it that way. His schedule, the cell phone calls he takes whenever, the constant time on the computer when he's home. He's been working his normal 6:30-6:30 pm schedule (till 8pm on Mondays) but as soon as he comes home, he is still working. Last night trying to figure out dinner I was stunned when both kids were screaming and crying hanging on me and he sat his ass at the table on the laptop not doing a thing to help. Finally after 40 minutes of him being online placing a "chemical order" I said, "can that wait till say....the kids are in bed?" Pissed him off but he got up finally. I know his work is his little escape but I don't have one. I really feel when he comes home he should leave work behind. I finally exploded today after I called him to find out when he'd be home and he said by 3 pm.....It's Saturday. I got off the phone and just bawled. Heck I'm still crying, right along with Damien which who knows what the hell his deal is.
Maybe I've just been up too long. Mia woke at 6:30 while we were getting busy in bed. He was too tired last night. We had to quit, I got up for her, he got a shower and out the door to work he went. I took my shower by 7:30, took the kids outside at 10 am and started doing some lawn work. I weed eated and trimmed a bush that was severely overgrown. My allergies are kicking my ass more than ever now. I took a 3 hour nap yesterday and I'm sure it's allergy related. I want a nap daily or i feel like I can't go on. 3 hours yesterday did nothing but make me even more tired and not want to do anything last night so I left the house a mess and went to bed around 11.
I feel on my own, each and everyday. I know people come over and they say the house looks fine quit being so hard on myself...blah blah blah. No it doesn't. The house is dirty, the outside to me is starting to look like a landfill site with crap laying everywhere but if I want anything done, I have to do it. I'm seriously considering after this weekend (and when I can call without crying) trying to find a lawn company to swing by once a month and do the yard. This is the biggest flaw I have with Dave. It's the one thing as a kid my dad perfected and so when he comes by he gives me a load of crap about it looking so bad. "Why haven't you put down weed b gone? Why haven't you fertilized?" I guess I would have expected him to have more pride in a yard but he really cares less. When he mows on the rider, he mows so fast just so he can get it done. I had to beg him last week to get out the weed eater and do around the fence. He didn't do crap in the house last night to help but spent another hour after the kids were in bed on the company websites.
And to show you how much I've done lately (the past week) and why I'm at my breaking point here's a list of things that he had no desire in helping with.
* emptied metal shed and swept clean of mouse turds
* emptied garage and swept out all mouse turds
* Spring cleaned the barn, cleaned the floor down to the dirt, got rid of hay twine, etc.
* washed up all the kids ride on toys free of dust
* washed, vac'd, and windexed the old minivan before we traded it in.
* trimmed the enonomus bush
* weeded the flower bed in the front yard completely
* Did 3 arrangements of flowers in pots for the front yard
* weed eated all around the playground equipment in the backyard
* helped control Echo while the farrier did her feet for me yesterday
* ran Dominic to ball, Alex to 4H, Alex to ball....but he did take A to her 4H rabbit club and pick her up from ball just so I could get baths done and kids to bed. (sigh)
And next week he'll be in Oklahoma for 2 days for management meetings. He's missing a BBQ for Dominic's class which I'd been asking him to come to. I also did take on my sister's kids for daycare this summer. I start in less than 2 weeks. I told her $500 a month (2 kids, 10 hrs daily 5 days a week)which is a steal but I'm helping her and I could use the money. I'm just worried if I'm breaking down now how the 12 weeks of summer with 2 kids is going to go.