Wednesday, July 02, 2008

The One Thing

Question. What would you say is the one thing that you and your spouse fight the most over? Especially if you never argue, dispute or fight, what's the one thing that separates you both?

I ask this question because I finally had it this week and in an email Monday told Dave that if he didn't quit, I wanted him to leave. I'm not sure if I dare talk about it on here, I know some who I've known online for 3-4 years now might remember me discussing it on a few Internet forums. Basically we fight over sex. That is the ONLY thing we've ever fought about. I know it's normal, guys want it all the freakin time but our problem is I come to bed exhausted and in about 2 minutes I'm asleep. Anyone else relate? I mean crap I work my butt off all day from 6:30-10:30 and then I'm expected to just keep going when we come to bed. Well I get nudged and asked repeatedly if I would wake up until I finally get loud that I'm just too tired and by that time it's 1 am. Yeah like 2-3 hrs of him trying to wake me up. Every night I come to bed he asks if I'm going to close the door, if I say no and I'm tired, it leads to a BIG pout fest. We're talking turns on the TV volume up, then finally grabs his pillows all pissy like and sleeps on the couch at night. It usually leads me to crying in bed because #1 I feel so guilty and #2- I'm so mad at him I can't sleep and I'm begging my body to sleep. This happened the other day, but it's happened so many times in the past. Alex has actually woke up to him on the couch and came asking me why he was out there. It happened about 8 hrs before Damien was born by C-section and I was so upset from crying I threw up my midnight snack which was my meal for the next day since you can't eat all day.

So anyways my email basically told him I was sick of feeling like some slave. It's not romantic or anything to me anymore. I feel required. We usually do it normally 2-3 times a week but that's not enough I guess. I am starting to get to that huge phase and it's getting mighty uncomfortable you can imagine. Since getting the email though things have been better again and I hope it's not a phase. We've done it twice since then but there was no pressure which is what I'm so sick of.

It's interesting to know what others argue or fight over. My sister and her man fight constantly about his mom bringing his ex to family functions. My mom fights with my stepdad over his alcoholism. I feel like I have this weird situation that no couple would ever would fight over and I'd never tell any family member about because they just wouldn't believe it except for the fact that we have 5 kids. Many people in my personal life believe we live this perfect little life together and to find out we fight would be amusing. So what's your one thing?

12 comments:

Jennifer said...

Just one??
I kid!! We actually rarely fight unless I have PMS. I kinda loose it and tell him he doesn't show me he loves me enough. Stupid hormones...I always feel stupid when my period goes away but can't seem to quit! I guess him still being with me after the past 10 very hormonal years is saying a LOT!!

Jenn said...

Wow. My jaw is seriously on the floor! I can't believe that you do it 2-3 times a week and he fights and acts like a 2yo because you won't do it more!

My DH and I do it WAY less than you (if you average out the week of ovulation while we're trying to get pregnant through the whole month, I'd say we do it maybe 1-2 times a week...) and I'm not even pregnant! If I were in the middle of my pregnancy and getting to that huge/uncomfortable stage I can guarentee there would be NO sex at all.

I'm sorry that you and Dave are fighting over this and I truely hope there's some way that you can work it out.

jude said...

Urhh!! aren't men all the same?? I got asked the other day if there was someone else in my life because the quality wasn't there. Are you kidding me?? FIrst he complains that he is not getting it enough. 2-3 times at least a week. And now he complains about the quality. Because it doesn't seem like I'm into it. HELLO. Are we the only ones with a 24hr job???
Don't sweat it honey we've all been there at one point. Hugs to you cause I know you'll need it.

Colleen said...

HA, it's always one person in the marriage that feels this way, unfortunately I am the one doing the asking and pulling a hissy fit all the way to the couch. When our lives our normal, 1 time a week is "lucky" for us. Um, does Dave know there are certain items that can help him. Passion Parties sells them. Might make him leave you the Heck alone. Just saying.

Sabrina said...

Colleen- Actually we've been to your page. We looked at a few items. ;) But never ordered. He is one of those guys who doesn't do it himself, it's my job according to him.

Jenn- yeah a 2 yr old is right! I am so sick of it! It hurts me so much when he does it too. I hope that BFP is coming soon!

Jude- ok that is just so much worse than what I'm dealing with. The quality?!?! That is insane! I hope you wracked him. lol!

Jennifer- well one BIG thing. I hate hormones too!

Adam and Megan's Mom said...

Jackass. glad you wrote him an email - sometimes it's easier to send a note than doing it in person.

Oh and the one thing we fight about: money. There's always money when he wants something (new stereo, new car, etc) but if I want something he "has to look at the budget" Our new rule is however much money he spends on himself, I spend on myself. $500 on a stereo turns into $1000 because I spent $500 on clothes! tit for tat.

Amie said...

2-3 times a week would be ALOT (ie impossible) for me. Dh doesn't like it but he gets it. I think it is difficult for men to get the whole, pregnacy, breastfeeding, horomon's thing.......

OT, I have been wanting to comment on your blog for forever, I don't know why it is the post about this that get's me to actually do it. I enjoy keeping up with your family this way, we really should get together sometime soon.

your cousin, Amie :)

Jen P said...

I could have written your post. Actually we had this fight last night...and we had sex the night before!!! MEN!

Rhonda said...

I definitely don't have your problem!!!!! Our one thing is things getting done. He has a few responibilities and then I have to remind him to do them or when I get fed up, I do them myself.

Julie said...

We fight about justice and mercy. He helps people far too much imo and I think we need to add a little more justice into the equation!

Cindy said...

Sabrina, I have not read your blog in forever! I actually forgot you had one since I don't go to the LF board on BBC anymore, how are you doing?

Mama Kalila said...

Our fights are usually communication issues lol. I have a hard time saying something when I have an issue & then it ends up being blown out of porportion & is usually something really stupid lol.