A Morning Headache

I had probably the worst evening I've had in a long time last night. My head and eyes are killing me and it's 8 am. I hope no one online believes I have this house of order and perfection as everyone in real life I know does. Perfection is non existant here.

Usually around 4 until Dave arrives home the day sorta spirals out of control. Imagine this if you DARE. 3 kids are awake, 1 still down for her nap. You start the dinner process and then wake up the youngest around 4:45. The oldest is blasting their Hannah Montana CD on repeat and your boys supposedly watching Spongebob are already rough housing and pulling all the couch cushions off the couch and jumping off the arms of the couch onto them. You're yelling at them to quit and put the couch and loveseat together 3-4 times in the hour and then the littlest joins in with her brothers also pulling down cushions and jumping. You give up and go back to making dinner. Crying erupts about 8 times from different kids in a hour span and I'm NOT LYING. Dinner is simmering on low as you run back and forth like a referee screaming your head off. Someone took a toy, kicked or punched the other in the head, etc. You have a 3 yr old who can't talk and just keeps pointing all over the place trying to tell you SOMETHING but you can't figure him out as usual. Then the phone rings and it's your husband telling you he won't be home till nearly 7 pm and it's 5:45 and he SHOULD be home in the next 15-30 minutes normally but he hasn't even left Wichita yet. You can't even muster goodbye and shut and throw your cell phone because by this time dinner is about 15 minutes from being done and it's another night of eating with your kids alone or I should say playing Waiter and yelling constantly at them to quit screwing around and eat their food.

After trying to bargain with the kids to eat, they all take off to the front room to start acting like chimps again, except your oldest because she's the only normal child you have. The phone rings again at 7 pm and this time it's your mom saying she's coming over and she can tell all hell is breaking loose which makes her express that she will be there quickly to help out since Daddy still hasn't arrived. She can tell her daughter is about to blow some bolts. You tell her don't bother because after the screaming you just did with her on the cell phone Daddy hears from his work truck and comes quickly inside and you hang up on her and throw the phone hard as hell at the wall right infront of him.

Then you lose it. I mean completely lose it. And that folks is exactly what happened by this point. I started screaming and bawling infront of all the kids and told him I was done with this crap, I'm not doing it anymore. He has to quit his job (I finally let lose and said it) and get something closer so he can get home sooner in the evenings. He was gone 13 hours yesterday. He didn't say a word because I myself had to get to the bathroom and get Dominic in for his shower. See 7 pm starts the bedtime routine so you can see why I have such a hard time with him showing up so late. He sees the kids about 1-1.5 hours M-F. That is it. My mom arrived and could tell something had happened. She tried talking to Dave asking him if he was ok because I think he was about to cry honestly. She didn't stay but 15 minutes and left. I got everyone bathed and to bed by 8 pm. I tried watching TV but just couldn't so I went outside to cry hysterically and throw up all my dinner.

My poor horse didn't know what the heck to think of me crying. She kept nudging and nibbling on my arms. Kinda like "toughen up. I ripped my butt open and you never saw me crying like a baby every time you injected me with that big long ass needle." I sat for a hour on our patio crying and just thinking about everything. I know that he cares but I just don't think he UNDERSTANDS how much stress I go through day in and day out. He'd been in this management position for about 6 months when I got pregnant with this little one. He'd been coming home around 6ish-7 then. I don't know what possessed me to think after having a hard time with 4 during that 6 months of him working so much that throwing a 5th in would be a piece of cake. He'll be home for 1 week and then when she's 6 days old, he'll go back to work.

I should explain that not every day is bad. In fact it's only from the time that Alex and Dominic come home at 3:45 when it gets crazy. Summers are always going to be a nightmare I'm afraid. As the kids have grown it's just turned to more work. Damien is a wild child, Dominic needs anger management and Mia...well..... It would help if Mia was a sweet innocent quiet angel like Alex was at her age. However with 2 older brothers she has learned so much of how exactly NOT to be an angel. She hits, she kicks, she bites. She colors on the walls even after Dave just repainted them a week ago. She spits and throws her food all over. She screams angrily pointing at people sometimes hitting them when they tell her no and continues to do what she was being reprimanded for. And worst of all, I have NEVER seen a little girl at almost 21 months make 2 boys older than her cry so much. From taking toys to smacking them with a wood spoon she stole from the kitchen, she completely defies your vision of a normal sweet loving little girl.

But anyways, today is a new day and I have a bunch to do as always. Dominic peed the bed again and I have lots of laundry on top of that to do. Add dishes, floors and everything else into that. I also need to prepare for my Brownie meeting for tonight as well. I try to do as much as possible before Damien comes in the door at noon. I can't even imagine fitting breastfeeding into my life again in a week. God help me. lol