Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Nintendo DS, Oh How I Love Thou

Today was my appointment. Fun fun! A friend from playgroup watched the 3 little ones for me so I could go. My husband bought me a Nintendo DS for Valentine's Day and the game Brain Age. It was so fun sitting there and playing games while waiting! I was so happy to have that thing today because I was there for 2.5 hours!! By the time I got home Camille was watching my whole herd. lol

To my Dr, I am a classic PPD case. We did blood work to see if my blood sugar or thyroid is out of whack. My grandpa is Diabetic and my mother, grandpa and uncle have Grave's Disease so I usually do blood work once a year anyways. It's always came out ok, we'll hope for the same this time around. He did tell me being pregnant back to back so many times can really mess with a woman. I guess your body can take a full year to fix the hormonal issues from a pregnancy and I'm usually pregnant before the last few kids even turned a year old. I told him some of the issues have lingered forever so maybe that's why?? I just have always figured being a mom it's normal to be tired, cranky, sore. The excessive crying out of the blue was really the only big thing that triggered me to think something else was going on. Being paranoid or fearing things usually puts me in tears as well. He really wants me to quit breastfeeding. Thinks it's doing more harm to me than good. I hate breastfeeding but I "need" to do it. I think I owe it to her to hang in there as long as possible. I've gained about 10 lbs the past few months and I've never had weight gain when breastfeeding either so if I quit I really worry about what might happen then.

So here's his plan. Exercise, date nights (lol), quit breastfeeding, counseling, and Prozac...seriously. He really thinks I'm stressed out and wants me to make time for myself and for Dave. I don't think people get it that it's HARD to do this. I have to go back in 2 weeks for a follow up. I don't think this is the best time for me to quit breastfeeding. I think that's just going to make matters worse because I can tell you from the past 4 experiences I get really upset when I have to quit. Even though I hate breastfeeding it will kill me to quit. So that's the plan.

My husband called when I first arrived. He told me just so I know he is not mad at me. I was a bit confused why he was telling me this but apparently last night he had a stuffy nose and got up quite a few times to the bathroom for medicine, Kleenex and every time he got up I would say "you aren't mad at me are you?" He said I kept saying it over and over and I have no knowledge of this. So not only am I paranoid while awake, now I'm even paranoid in my sleep. I'm just a big screwed up mess! lol


Trina said...

Hey there....

I've had babies back to back -- I've felt similar at times to what you're going through. I wish I could talk with you because I seriously hope you don't go on Prozac :( If you can avoid meds, it's always best.

It's good that you are a blogger and you can get your feelings out this way -- it helps.

How are you eating? Be sure you eat healthy and are taking a good vitamin supplement! Drink water water and more water throughout your day.

Get out and walk! Walking is such good exercise. Even if it's just around the block once -- sometimes that's all we need to clear our heads and give us that boost we need mentally.

Talk more to your girl friends!! It's so important to stay connected to the world of grown-ups!

Yes -- more date nights with hubby! That's so healthy for you and your marriage.

No -- don't stop breastfeeding! It doesn't feel right to you to stop (no matter how many people tell you to) because in your mommy-gut you know it's the best thing for your baby. And you're right. My advice would be to continue breastfeeding, and be sure to keep up those night time feedings as well. It helps to suppress ovulation the natural way!

Are you sleeping well at night? I sleep with my babies. That way I don't have to get up 2 or 3 times a night to go comfort an infant. Infants naturally sleep better when next to mommy all night long. Worried about them falling out of your bed? Push it to the side wall or simply place the mattress on the ground for a few months.

Gosh...what else can I quickly tell you....

Okay...when you are feeling blue or have your bouts of crying... just allow it and KNOW that it will PASS!! Just quit worrying about what is wrong with you -- there's nothing wrong with you, this is simply just your hormones going wacky for a time. It happens! Do your best to just ride it out... it will pass.

Just look around at your children and know that you are blessed beyond measure and a few tears and sadness for no known reason is just what you have to put up with for a while ;)

I know it's harder than I make it sound.... I don't mean to trivialize what you are going through. I seriously don't.

But just hang in there! When you are feeling sad, always turn to the Lord for strength. Ask Him to give you what you need to continue being the best mommy to His children (they are His before they are ours, afterall -- we just care for them while they are here on earth;)

Anyway, just wanted to give you some cyber-support;)

Bless you!

Sara said...

Hey Sabrina,

Well, I just got caught up, and I am so sorry for all of the emotions that are just eating you alive. I saw that one post on how it was four years ago since the blog was created, and I thought...oh my goodness. She is RIGHT! We have been on bloggy land together for FOUR YEARS! And for a year before that, we did those TTC boards.

Anyhoo...I am a terrible one for advice on any of what you are going through, but please know something: We all go through these dark times. Some last longer than others. Sometimes we need help to get through them, and sometimes they really do pass. But the only one piece of advice I can truly give you...the only one that has ever successfully gotten me through the dark times:

Open your Bible every day. If you can't in the morning, do it at night. Or during a nap time. Or in the bathroom! :) Even if it's just five minutes. The more I spend reading God's words, the easier it is to get through these shadowlands.

please keep blogging about it. That is super healthy, and what I love about blogging.


Jena9286 said...

Hang in there!

Crystal said...

It's HARD having babies back to back. Even though I've only had two, I know what it's like to not really get your emotions in order or in check. We all have dark days and some are brighter. Just know that I am thinking of you and giving you lots of virtual hugs.

kbreints said...

I am glad that you went to the doctor... ans although it is of course up to you, I think that you should dollow youf doctor's recomendations... I fyou stop breastfeeding and then go on medication-- chances are you will not haev those feeling you descibe of feeling so bad about it.

Teesa69 said...

I hope your b/w comes back ok. Im sorry about the b/fing. I've never been able to produce milk and b/f any of my children--I know how important it is and how much it hurts to not b/f. I hope you get your date nights and that the prozac helps ((HUGS))

Lucia's Mom said...

She's over four months, you've done an amazing job breastfeeding her until now - no matter whether you stop now or continue. Pat yourself on the back for that!