Saturday, November 06, 2010

The Raging Sea Right Infront of Me

I don't really know about my husband but the thought process I've had the past couple days has been torture. It's difficult because like everyone else in the world we were hoping for another perfect pregnancy and in a blink of an eye this one turned into a nightmare. This sonogram was actually scheduled 3 weeks ago however our insurance did not have this perinatologist as in network so we had to wait until that went through. It was kind of a relief because I had 3 weeks LESS of worry. Good thing is because of the 3 week delay I only have about 83 days of pure hell

I think the biggest fear of all of this is she's not going to make it to 34 week because of this cord condition and then I'm going to go through this whole life threatening surgery with no baby to take home, that is if I make it through. lol The 2nd biggest fear right now is having the C-section and then seeing her for a brief minute only to be put to sleep for them to do their major work on me and not know if she's OK and if she really does have a defect of the heart, kidneys, or a fatal chromosome disorder. They are talking like I may be asleep for 2-3 hours. I am really having a hard time with thinking about that moment. It reminds me so much of Alex's birth when her heart rate dropped down to 70bpm and they're saying we're losing her. I'm talking, there's all this screaming going on about medical junk by tons of people in the room and then everything just fades to white. I wake up choking because of an air tube with a baby next to me who I had never seen in my life.

The past 3 days, I have been doing exactly what any mother would do but shouldn't. Reading Google, visiting boards of parents who have had these problems, some of it is helpful, some of it scares you to death. So far I have not found anyone who has a story of Percreta but those of Accreta and although they had frightening stories and lost tons of blood, they made it out alive. As far as SUA, I've heard both good and bad. I'm worried about the weeks between the sonos. She could lose all her fluid, stop thriving, die. In a way I wonder if we shouldn't do the Amnio just to prepare if she does have a problem and anything was wrong but right now I'm not willing to take chance. I just want to feel her kicks every second of the day to know she's ok in there.

Right now I'm just hoping the next 12 weeks go quickly so we can get this over with even though we are far from ready to bring another baby in this house. lol Sadly the pregnancy joy went out the window with this one, we just want out of it and to have a safe outcome for us both.

4 comments:

Pipsylou said...

hey...sabrina...email me...i don't have your current email. i have some thoughts on the amnio that may help...we did opt to do it because we had the same thoughts you are having now...we wanted to KNOW, even though it didn't change much.

Brenda said...

Sabrina,

You don't know me, but I stumbled across your blog a while ago and have read occasionally, but never left a comment. First and foremost, I wanted you to know that I'm praying for your entire family in this situation. I can only imagine the thoughts running through your head right now.

I wanted to offer just one thought on the amnio. With my first pregnancy, one of the initial blood tests showed an abnormality that the docs wanted to check out via amnio. At first, I was resistant because, like you, it wouldn't matter...there was no way I'd consider aborting her. But, in talking to the docts I realized that the advantage of doing an amnio was that if there was indeed a problem and they knew about it ahead of time, that any specialists that were needed would be able to be there for the delivery to see to her needs immediately. We could plan for her care better if we knew what we were up against.

I was worried about the risks of the amnio, but after researching it and praying about it I decided to go forward. In my case, I'm glad I did b/c they were able to rule out the conditions that they feared she might have and that was one less thing for me to worry about for the remainder of the pregnancy. Everybody is different and the decision is yours. I just thought I'd offer something to think about. I hope it's helpful.

Whatever you decide, I'm praying for you and your entire family and will be anxious to hear how it all turns out. Always remember that God can do things far beyond our meager imaginations...don't lose hope.

Sabrina said...

Thanks Brenda, your post means alot. That's sort of what I'm figuring now is if I do the Amnio and it comes out nothing then maybe that will help get rid of SOME of the worry on how this delivery is going to go down.

Rach- I don't even know if they will do an amnio in Wichita. Last I knew is they send you to KC. Is there a specialist in that area or do multiple Dr's do them there?

kbreints said...

Oh I am sorry to read about what you are going through... my thoughts ans prayers are for a healthy outcome for you and the baby!