Tuesday, January 04, 2011

1-31-2011

The date this is going to all go down. We had our last Peri and High Risk Appts yesterday. I had a mental breakdown the night before. Bawled my head off while doing laundry in the basement so no one here knew a thing. I was being tormented by the Devil that this is all going to go badly. To think anything is wrong in there is very VERY difficult. I feel awesome, this is probably the best pregnancy I've ever had. I think partially because this little girl is breech. I don't feel pregnant at all except for this large globe infront of me. I haven't had any bleeding at all for having a complete placenta previa.

I started trying to be "positive" in a screwed up way you could say.

  • 1. I've never hemorrhaged on any surgery or C-section.
  • 2. I do not have a blood clotting disorder which is pretty much a death sentence in this type situation.
  • 3. I do well with anesthesia, spinal or general.
  • 4. My hemoglobin is usually pretty decent and high which means my blood is in pretty good order.
  • 5. I've been taking vitamins religiously and extra iron beefing up my blood.
  • 6. I have not been in any pain
  • 7. I'm not peeing any blood which is the placenta entering the bladder.
  • 8. This was caught early so the surgeons will be prepared going in which means less blood loss or chance of death.
I am pretty sure I'm not going to die and she being born at 34 weeks is going to die either however we got a pretty big wake up call yesterday at the hospital during our NICU tour. They will keep her no matter what for 1-2 weeks. We expect I will probably be there almost a week as it is but I was not expecting that with her. It was hard to hold it together seeing those babies yesterday and hopefully we won't be dealing with all of that but the biggest concrns are apnea and suck/swallow and taking a bottle and eventually the breast. This all sucks because we still don't know with her SUA or 2 vessel cord if she's going to have any birth defects. They are sure Trisomy is ruled out but they can't tell with the rest of her organs.

As for me I held together the whole day. It was a LONG day. Our first appointment was at the Peri office for another Sono. She looks to weigh maybe 4 1/2 pounds which is great. Again they looked for about 15 minutes at the placenta. It's an anterior complete previa and they can not tell exactly how much has grown outside creating the Percreta. They see this mass where my bladder is but can't tell how much is really on the bladder. We thought we were doing an MRI yesterday but they told me there was a chance it would throw a negative when I really did have percreta. They give inconclusive results quite frequently so we decided not to add more worry into the situation.

After that long visit we went out to eat and then over to meet my new OB and surgeon. I found out that this will be a vertical incision which scares me as far as pain. They can not cut down there because of the placenta and bleeding factor. We asked as much as we could think of. I asked how often the sono has been wrong and she said never. :( They do about 1 case a month of this condition and usually always ends in a hysterectomy but if not I did agree to a tubal because to go through this again would probably cause my family and husband to all have strokes. It's too late to donate my own blood now and they may give me a transfusion right before surgery so that it helps. I will be awake until the baby comes and then she will tell me what it's looking like in there and if everything is as they believe I will be put to sleep for the hysterectomy. If not they will keep me awake which I'm fairly certain will not happen. I have alot of thoughts with this. I still hate when I think of my first born being asleep when she was born and not seeing her until afterwards. Now in this situation I will see her born but will be put to sleep without knowing if her organs and everything else is ok and that kills me. They basically plan on whisking her away with a NICU team right after birth. Depending how much blood I lose during the hysterectomy part, I'll get blood products then and afterwards. Surgery can be 1-3 hours depending how bad the bleeding is and how long it takes to get it controlled. She also freaked me out saying sometimes they might leave alittle placenta in and that with the hysterectomy they may have to cut some of the cervix or vagina away. Yikes. She says they try not to though.

I guess after the surgery it's just a wait and see what happens. I'm trying not to be too freaked out but January 31st will be here before we all know it. I just want this over with and move on with our 7 little ones. I know alot of people think having the hysterectomy is going to be very upsetting for me but honestly it's not. Dying and not being here for my kids is more upsetting than anything which is what all the crying I've done is about. If I'm not having kids, take all of that junk out. lol!

12 comments:

Cindy said...

(((((hugs))))) I don't even know what to say. I can not even imagine what this must be like for you, but I can tell in your writing just how stressed you are.

I wish that I had more to say, or more adivice to offer but I don't. I will be praying for you and that little angel peanut though. Please please please is you can have someone update us?

Anonymous said...

Big hugs sabrina for you and your family. It is a very tough time you are going through. I been watching for your update.
The NICU is hard but the nurses are some of the greatest and will get a picuture of the baby for you.
make sure your DH updates all who are wishing you well.
SAm - tolon&family on BBC

Morgan said...

Sabrina, if we lived closer, I would bring a couple meals for your family and arrange more so at least dinner wouldn't be something you'd have to worry about for a while. I hope someone from your church or community is able to help you out in this way.

I will be praying for you, your baby, and the rest of your family. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Hugs Sabrina!! I dont have any advice and can only imagine what you and your family are going through right now. It sounds like you have done everything you can to prepare, have the doctors and hospital prepared. I will be praying for you, your family and your little girl.
Stacey (bbc - dragonfly2be)

Anonymous said...

Sabrina - I was in your shoes 3 yrs ago but my outcome wasn't so great. I had blood transfusions, a vertical incision and a hysterectomy but was able to keep my cervix, thus no hormone supplement. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me ... I've been there!
I'm pulling for you!

Gayle
(bc - andymatthew)

Sabrina said...

Thanks ladies! I got the call today telling me check in and everything for the 31st. I'm excited but dreading it as well! lol

Gayle- I was shocked when she was telling me about maybe losing some of my cervix. I had NO IDEA that was a possibility! That scares me as well of the vertical incision. I'm worried about recovering from the vertical and how that is vs the 6 horizontals I have now.

Cindy- I will have Dave get on here as soon as possible. I know I've been a bad blogger as of lately but he knows my passwords and can do it.

Morgan- I have 2 grandmas to help with the kids and I think our church friends are going to step in after they leave. We have no idea how this is going to go or how long either of us will be in the hospital, recovery is a wait and see since I've never had a vertical incision.

Anonymous said...

Sabrina - Not to scare you but had lots of staples! Just had to be careful and used my legs a lot to get out of bed, etc., to the point I had charley horses! DH had to get me in/out of shower and get me dressed. Sweats were my friend. Loved my drugs and my ice packs! Thinking of you!

Anonymous said...

The 1/7/11 post was mine. (Gayle)

Anonymous said...

Lots of prayers for you. I am pregnant with my fourth and will be havingmy fourth cesarean in June. Searched and found this blog months ago and have been following and wondering how you've been.

I can't imagine how torn you must feel! Excited and terrified. Just trust that God is good and loves us so much. He will take care of you and your little one-LOTS OF PRAYERS!!

Crystal said...

Really thinking and praying for you today and throughout tomorrow! Will be checking to see how smooth things go and I am sure they will:)

Anonymous said...

Hugs Sabrina! You, Gianna, and Sophia are all in our prayers. I know you will have a restless night, try to get some rest. This long road is almost over.
P&PT's
Mary

Rebecca said...

Praying today went well!! Looking forward to an update!