Friday, March 04, 2011

Doing Better

Last week truly sucked. I am doing alot better this week. It hit me all at once what happened. I would imagine I will still feel upset, pissed off and cry about not ever being pregnant again but I have to be happy with what I have, the whole situation could have went a totally opposite direction, I mean I could have died during the stupid surgery and why would I want to take a chance at that ever again??

I think what's really sad to me is that he really hasn't said much about it. Yeah if I break down he'll give hugs or whatever but he doesn't talk about it. I'm pretty sure he's just glad not to see me through another C-section again because according to him I never see his side of going through the waiting and watching process hoping nothing bad happens. We basically have skipped over what happened and just have been loving on our baby girl and taking care of the rest of the kiddos. There's no time to even chat alone unless we're in bed and believe me we "might" be awake for 2 minutes at the most once we get in bed.

So anyways I am still probably going to have crying spells over it but I am starting to move on. Yesterday we took our daughter over to Wichita to her infectious disease pediatrician for her face and his office is attached to the hospital where I delivered Gianna. I started crying just seeing the place but composed myself by the time I parked. I have better things to worry about then my lost uterus.


kbreints said...

I am sorry that you are having a rough time, though I think it is only natural to morn this. I don't have to list the reasons why it is natural-- I am sure that you are going through each and every reason every day... but I am sure that some of this is hormonal too...

I hope that the sun shines in your world soon and you can see the happiness that your body has produced ... and no longer mourn the loss. Your body has done so much.

As much as you were not ready for it, your body needed a break.

Pipsylou said...

I felt this way when I lost one of my tubes. It's just HARD, knowing that part of/or your whole fertility is GONE, even if you know it was probably for the best.

I am going to try a VBAC this time, but either way, I think this is the last baby from my body. As you said, there are many other ways to get a baby! :)

Thinking of you...