Sophia's NEXT surgery

So depressing that we are going to have to do this again. April 1st we will be at the surgery center again with Sophia. Her last surgery was December 27th. I know her ENT did not think we'd even have to go this road. He said he cleaned the infection out and took all the lymph nodes out, she was even on Biaxin just like she had been the whole time this was going on and 3 weeks after surgery I discovered her cheek was pinking up just like her chin did the first time. This picture was taken the morning we were going to the Infectious Disease Pediatrian.

It would be nice to find other parents who have dealt with Mycobactrium Tuberculosis however this stupid disease is so rare there are not many parents out there. Her ID Ped told us he had 6 kids in the past year and that's ALOT, it comes in spurts and so somehow it's coming back. It's not contagious at all but is very difficult to get rid of. The bacteria is in the Tuberculosis class, you'd have to google it but the only thing it really has to do with Tuberculosis is it affects primarily the lymph nodes in the neck area. Our option was probably a whole year of pain, 2 antibiotics, her face eventually breaking open and draining, and then healing or surgery cleaning out the dead lymph node and making her better quickly, still taking the meds but only 3 months. Hopefully he will be able to fix her scar again as the 2nd infection ate away at his work and now it's very red and didn't heal nicely at all.

I am so ready for this to be over with. I pray this is it. I can't imagine it sticking around and praying on another lymph node in our poor little Sophia's body. This is definitely one of those things I wish I didn't have experience in. lol

From The Phone

I've been discovering more recently how lovely it is to have a smart phone. I got my first last June, I'd had internet on my others but with the apps and such it's so much nicer. Gianna is 6 weeks old as of tomorrow and I'm rarely on the regular laptop since I can visit everything from the phone. I walk around cleaning with my phone in my hand reading Facebook or looking at Babycenter, email, etc. So since I had a rare moment on here I thought I'd post some pictures.

Things have been so busy. Not too much different than before with throwing a baby in the mix but having them all this close together is extremely hard. I still haven't taken the 4 I have home to the store yet by myself. I can't figure out how. I have 2 babies in infant carriers, and Sophia and Mia just turned 2 and 4 shortly ago. They will run wild if not in a basket. I have a very hard time putting kids inside the basket because it scares me to death. When Dom was little he got mad at Petco and threw himself on their cement floor landing on his head! It was frightening when he hit hearing that thud and then the screams. I know soon we'll start having play dates all the time and I know that shouldn't be much of an issue since I can stick the babies in the double stroller.

Some good news is we FINALLY bought a vehicle we can all fit in. It was a steal mainly because we know the dealers in our small town quite well. It's a 12 passenger 08 E350 with a DVD/15 in screen for the kids in the back and Nav up front for me although I still don't know how to work it and it's abit distracting to look down at the radio to see the roads. I don't think I could ever park this thing between cars for the life of me but it is so nice to be able to ride with my hubby since we haven't since November 2009.Everyone had bugged us about getting rid of our 08 T & C for a new van but we didn't want to since we paid it off a yr ago and we bought a lifetime warranty with it along with a tire one. We loved the van so much we wanted to keep it forever! lol S we now have 2 vans. The big one looks like it could pull a monster truck move on my little Town and Country when side by side. lol!

Gianna is getting bigger. It's amazing when you look at what she was compared to now. NOW she looks like a newbon. Last week she was 6lbs 9oz. She was down to 5lbs 6 oz one week after birth. It's so strange having all these big babies and then having this happen and a tiny one. This first picture was when we first brought her home and the other 2 were taken recently.

In other news the days are getting easier on the mourning. I really didn't think I would get like this after everything I went through but you know I didn't have a traumatic birth who have dealt with the same thing. It was so easy just like the rest. I bet I could have kept my uterus if I would have wanted the methotrexate but I thought this would be best to just do the hysterectomy. I was ok at the time it was done. I would have been on the drug for awhile until the placenta would have died but it would have been ok. The best thing I have discovered is different social boards to talk or see what others went through. It helps you to realize how lucky you were. What kills me is some of these girls only had 1 C-section or never even HAD a c-section, they had miscarriages and D&C's so after their first baby they had to have a hysterectomy. Some only had endo or fibroids and then during delivery the placenta wouldn't expel. It's terrible and until you read and read then it hits you as, wow, it could have been alot worse. I mourn for them as well and it breaks my heart when they say how much they wanted a sibling for their child. I know alot of people think I ended up in this position because of tons of C-sections and as it is true I did, it was only because of where my placenta decided to place itself, previa right over my scar. In all honesty that's the easiest to deal with when it comes to accreta. There are situations where I've read ladies stories where their placenta implanted on the backside of the uterus and grew through attaching to the rectal area and bowels. I never even knew that was a possibility until my first high risk sono with the Perinatologist. They told us that they could tell the bladder was involved but couldn't tell if the bowels were since they are behind. I had never had any D & C's or trauma other than a c-section scar so they said it probably wasn't but it could if it grew out of the womb quite a bit. So as the days fly by I just keep trying to remember how lucky I am. Like I told the anesthesiologist that morning, there are many other ways to get a baby.

There's been a bunch of other crazy things happening around here that I'll have to post about another time. #1 Sophia's going to need surgery again for her mycobatrium tuburculosis ordeal. #2 Daddy helped with Extreme Home Makeover and might be on TV! #3 Dominic is finally having to be diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome to continue to receive services for his IEP. I will update on it all soon.

Doing Better

Last week truly sucked. I am doing alot better this week. It hit me all at once what happened. I would imagine I will still feel upset, pissed off and cry about not ever being pregnant again but I have to be happy with what I have, the whole situation could have went a totally opposite direction, I mean I could have died during the stupid surgery and why would I want to take a chance at that ever again??

I think what's really sad to me is that he really hasn't said much about it. Yeah if I break down he'll give hugs or whatever but he doesn't talk about it. I'm pretty sure he's just glad not to see me through another C-section again because according to him I never see his side of going through the waiting and watching process hoping nothing bad happens. We basically have skipped over what happened and just have been loving on our baby girl and taking care of the rest of the kiddos. There's no time to even chat alone unless we're in bed and believe me we "might" be awake for 2 minutes at the most once we get in bed.

So anyways I am still probably going to have crying spells over it but I am starting to move on. Yesterday we took our daughter over to Wichita to her infectious disease pediatrician for her face and his office is attached to the hospital where I delivered Gianna. I started crying just seeing the place but composed myself by the time I parked. I have better things to worry about then my lost uterus.