Friday, June 17, 2005

The Reality is sinking in

Today has not been a good day. I can't stop crying. I should be extremely happy that in 2 1/2 weeks we'll be holding our little guy but instead I'm stressing because dh's parents will be here around July 1st until the 16th and of course as always when they come to town, they'll be staying at our house. I didn't want to tell them the correct date for the C-section and so we didn't and told them July 12th. I figured one week alone in my house with the kids and dh and I'll recover from my C and THEN they'll come to town. Well because of his job and for a decent amount of pay for the month he'll only be taking off a week and a half so therefore we decided to tell them the date got moved up to the 5th so he'll be off work when they are here. Then I had the cervical check which showed NO progress which means he's not going to want out early and I will definitely be having this baby when his parents are here and taking over my house. Actually they'll be here 4 days before the birth.

When Dominic was born they came the next day after his birth. I was stuck in the hospital for 1 more day. I had asked Dave over and over "where are they staying, where are they staying?" and he wouldn't tell me he says because he didn't want to stress me out. Well I came home to shit everywhere and them staying at my house. They don't stay for just a few days, they stay for 2 weeks in my small little ranch house with little room as it is and 1 bathroom to share between all of us. I tried so hard to remain calm as I fought to breastfeed my own kid in my own house but his dad was always here getting boob shots because again, our house is small and there's really no other place to go. I shouldn't be forced to go to the bathroom or bedroom to feed our kid but I don't want his dad seeing my tits either. It was rather hard. I finally broke down on like the 2nd or 3rd day after getting a killer headache. At that time I blamed it on the spinal I had but the past two days I've had headaches and I know it's stress related. I called my mom crying that day of my headache and she came over but of course blamed my emotions on post partum depression. My mother and his mom think I have an issue with that because I have cried after having the kids. It's not that at all, it's the fact his mom won't leave me alone.

Alot of the people close to me say it's only a few weeks, I can handle it but everytime his parents come the stress is so unbelievable. They critize if I make supper "what's this?" and then they won't eat it. His mother does ALL her laundry here during her stay, they take extremely long showers in my house TOGETHER, at night they watch one of our TV's and leave it on all night and loud enough that I wake on and off throughout the night, and everytime they visit they use our spare vehicle. I refuse to let them take the kids anywhere because of an incident where I was going somewhere with his mom and I noticed she didn't put Alex's seatbelt on right and then when I corrected it she said "whatever." That's not a whatever situation, it's our child's life.

The worst part of this whole thing is no support from Dave. Yeah he lied and told them the 12th of July but he told me it was wrong and not fair for my parents to be there for the birth and his not to be. I've asked him everytime they come to ask them to stay somewhere else because I can't handle dealing with his parents but he won't. He won't tell them anything because he's too chickenshit. As I sit here crying, I don't see it possible for me to allow them to stay this time. I will have a mental breakdown and probably let them know the wrong way on how I feel. I don't want any hard feelings with them but I feel the way they come in and take over our house is an invasion to me. I would like to at least have one child, just one, where his parents are not camping out in my house. I would like for Alex and Dominic to bond with their little brother that first week while Daddy and I are home with the three of them alone. I would like to concentrate on breastfeeding without worrying about his parents being around to watch.

I think tonight I'm going to have to let Dave know I'm already falling apart. I told him yesterday I didn't think I was going to be able to handle it this time and he just sorta shrugged it off. Mom called today and I was bawling so she came over and talked to me about it. She told me Dave needs to grow balls or I need to become a bitch. lol Gotta love her outlook! She knows how his parents are. They said they were going to sue her when she backed out of a lease on their old house here in town. Nice people huh? Well that goes to show you how money hungry they are. Staying at my place for 2 weeks saves them money because they can run up my electric bill by running the dryer all day and taking long showers and use our vehicle instead of renting one and then of course the free stay at the house saving them for paying for a hotel.

Oh what a miserable day.

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