Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Why I'm Here

I've really had a hard time with getting on and blogging lately. There's the 3 reasons that are pretty obvious and then there's the others like housework, daycare, and more housework. When we were sure we were moving we listed about 8 things in the paper for sale so the phone has been ringing all the time and people have been coming and going.

I started blogging when I was 3 months pregnant with Damien as an outlet for emotions on how I felt about being home and doing daycare. I was really upset with how crappy my life was. There's so many people who think that if you're staying home your life is peachy-n-perfect and I think it would be a lot better if I wasn't doing daycare. I was mad at Dave and blaming him for making me do daycare, I was mad at myself for looking like a fat lazy piece of shit, I was mad that the house was always a mess and Dave never helped, I was mad at these parents for all the stupid daily requests, and I was mad at all the kids for making my days so much harder. I was really mad at Damien for making me so sick and throwing up half of the time I was pregnant with him. I can't say that today things are much easier, but I'm dealing better. I'm only watching 3 full time day now plus Damien and Dominic is gone M, W, F mornings for school. Back then I was watching 5 kids during the day from 7:30-5:30. My housework is still not always done, and I still get stupid parent requests but I'm ok with that. I've noticed through my blog that I haven't been so down and negative about things as I was back then. Perhaps a little bubbly baby saying "ahhhh da! ahhhhh da!" all day has made my days much brighter. I've thought about quitting the whole blogging deal but then I use this also as a diary of milestones and daily life so I'm not sure. I'm sorta on the fence. If I do continue, I'm going to try to be more positive well except when I'm pissed. LOL

I've also been thinking about what I should do this summer because I may be losing all 3 day kids that I watch but I'll have 1 school age girl here M-W 10-5. The K &K girls will be home this summer with their mom who's a teacher and the 18 mth old boy I watch may be taken out so his parents can move back to Ohio. They can't sell their house in Ohio and are going broke here in Kansas so they're going to have to go back. I can't decide if I should pick up more kids and keep a goin or Dave is actually telling me to take a break over the summer. Yeah, HE'S telling me to not work. After all the hounding in the past about "you have to make some sorta money while you stay at home" now he's saying not to work over the summer. I do enjoy watching kids, the older ones are so much easier so I've thought about updating my referral list to say that I am accepting school age children. I do enjoy the babies but this toddler crap that's been nostop here now for 3 years I really do need a break from it. I'd also like to change less diapers a day. Right now I change about 12 diapers from 8-5 and then my own boys each atleast once before getting a bath and going to bed. It's sad to think I've changed diapers everyday for the past 6 year. Now that's a lot of diapers!

I will need to make a decision in the next few days before May arrives since that's when everyone realizes preschool/Grade school is ending soon and is in a mad dash to find daycare before they fill up.

The whole deal going on with my sister has turned into a family fiasco. My sister called her daycare provider and school telling them not to let my mom or grandma (who had nothing to do with this) pick up the kids. My other sister Mandi blabbed to my mom about Myspace and for some reason my mom saw a comment I wrote to Mandi online and now my mom is pissed that her life is on the internet, yadda yadda. If she ever found out about this blog she'd be major mad since I've ranted on here a few times about her. Anyways I'm sure Jill will need something sooner or later from my mom and that's when this will all stop.


Jess said...

Sabrina, I cannot imagine doing home daycare. I nannied for a couple families for 2 years when I was in college and newly married but the kids weren't in my house and I never had more than 2 at a time. You probably work a lot harder than Dave, he just doesn't realize it.

Maybe you could do garage sales and ebay like Chelsea? I hear that is a great way to make extra money but it is a lot of trips to the P.O.

My aunt does medical transcription from home. She did all the course work at home too so she never actually had to go out for classes in the evenings. I think it took her a couple years to do the training but she was working full time as she studied. Anyway, I think she makes 30-40k doing that at home. Pretty good!

Good luck with whatever you decide. I agree with Dave- take a break this summer!

TL said...

I too have thought about not blogging anymore but then I think where would I put all this aggression!!!

If you can afford to take a break do it, never pass up a break!

Rhonda said...

Sabrina- You deserve a summer break. If you are being told to take a break, then do it! Daycare is a thankless job, just as being a preschool teacher was. I was so determined not to go back to work after Zach was born.

I hope you keep blogging, at least some, so that we can keep in touch!