Friday, May 26, 2006

I Have A Confession To Make

I can not let Damien cry.............ever, and it's really starting to piss Dave off. I felt AWFUL yesterday when I picked him and Dominic up from our old daycare provider (she lets me do a drop in with the kids when I need to) I walked in and heard him hysterically crying so I found him in the hallway bawling and as soon as I picked him up he put his head on my shoulder and stopped. I asked how long he'd been crying and she said the whole time I was gone which was a hour and a half. She tried everything and finally just put him down so he could cry it out. Dominic used to be the same way as a baby when I dropped him off anywhere but outgrew it probably around a 1.5 yrs when he was really mobile and wanted far away from me. The grandparents are even afraid to watch him because he cries the whole time at their houses too. I didn't mention this to Diann yesterday because I was afraid she'd tell me no if she knew of his past seperation anxiety.

But this is not the real problem, the real problem is naps and bedtime. When Damien was a baby, I could leave him in his crib and he'd drift off to sleep but for about 3-4 mths now I actually rock, cuddle, and hold him for about a hour at night till he finally drifts off and it's really making Dave mad. I try for about 5 minutes to get him to go to sleep by just putting him in bed and I keep peeking him in and placing him under his covers with a binkie but as soon as I walk out the door he sounds like he's a rabid monkey screaming and pulling the crap out of the rail of his crib. After a few minutes of that I pull him out of bed, stroke his head and rock him till he drifts off. For the most part I can put him in bed but there's times like last night where he just automatically woke up feeling me pull away from him and he started screaming again. Usually when I put him in bed he pulls my hand to the side of his face and holds it there with his two hands. It looks so sweet but then after standing over the crib, back killing me, I finally sneak my hand away after about 3 minutes and run like hell out of the bedroom. That is our nightly routine. First before scooping him out of bed though it consists of Dave bashing me telling me to let him cry, leave him alone, he'll be fine, yadda yadda.

Naptime is alittle different, not as bad but he does need me still to get to sleep. I'm on the computer at the time he naps. (1 nap usually around 1PM) I never just put him bed for his nap during the day. He'll come over to where I'm sitting in the kitchen on the computer and start rubbing his head on my leg which then I know he's tired so I'll pick him up and he falls asleep on me while I type and then I lay him in bed. There's no crying involved at naptime.

Dave is really tired of this because after I finally get him down, I want to clean the house some before bed. I'm not sure what else to do. We've fallen into a routine with this and I know Damien wouldn't be able to go to sleep any other way or he'll scream forever which I hate to let him do that. I know he's got some real seperation anxiety even at family functions I can be standing right there and he's giving me looks and pulling away from whoevers holding him for me to take him back. I'm hoping with time we can get over this stage but for now it's really putting stress on Dave and I's relationship since we fight over this nightly.


Kristi Ann said...

Wow Sabrina..sounds like we are 2 peas in a pod. I can't let McKayla cry and will have to nurse her to sleep for nap and bedtime. Now she does fall asleep in the car on her own..but if we are out or home, and she want sto go to bed...she wants to nurse to sleep doing it. And it makes BRad SOOO mad. Then when i complain, he says I brought in on myself! grrrr Ah well...they ARE our babies! :)

Colleen said...

Sabrina I know you are the mother of 3, and know what you are doing' but also realize that sleep habits are something we have to teach our children. When you don't let him form his own healthy sleep habits you are setting yourself up for more trauma later on. If you wanted to, you could let him cry it out. You don't want to. It must be sweet to have a baby that wants you around so much (I am jealous!) But thing about that long term problems that can come from not teaching him to put himself to sleep! You know all of this. Just do it...when you are ready.

Adam's Mom said...

I have a confession to make too: For Adam's naps, he takes a bottle and falls asleep in my arms. His early morning and early afternoon naps are usually only an hour so I just hold him for those (how bad is that?) His afternoon nap (from 3-6) is always in his swing which he goes in awake. He NEVER naps in his crib! As soon as I lay him down (be it in his crib, on the couch etc) he wakes up. I'd rather him sleep on me than not at all. Oddly enough though, at night he sleeps in his crib no problem! I think he knows the evening routine, plus bedtime is the only time I swaddle him up.

Sorry to ramble on. I just wanted you to know I do the same. And to quote Kristi ann, they ARE our babies!

Amie said...

Babies cry for a reason and sometimes that reason is that they need their mommy. There is NO SHAME IN THAT!

I still nurse my 16 month old to sleep, is it annoying sometimes, yes, because there are other things that I want to be doing, but they are not little for very long and they do grow out of it. She is better about being put down now.

Their are ways to gently train your children not to us sleep props. It is more work but I think worth it to not have to have your baby go though the cry-it-out thing.

Have you ever read
"The No-Cry Sleep Solution"?
by Elizabeth Pantly. I have a copy if you want me to mail it to you, drop me an email. You can also get it at about any bookstore or amazon.

Jess said...

Sabrina, you already know that Ella has never been a good sleeper (because I have complained so bitterly about it, lol!) and I usually end up nursing her to sleep.

I've read *6* sleep training books, implemented several of the methods and they have always been a complete flop. I think there is some innate instinct in mothers to not allow their children to scream until they are exhausted and fall into oblivion. I just can't let Ella cry it out and I have decided to stop feeling guilty about it. I have to do what is right for both of us.

I do think the crying can work for some kids but when I read about CIO I see that parents who employed the method back at 4-6 months are still having to use it to get their kid to sleep. Doesn't sound like it is all that successful if they are still crying at 10+ months!

Anyway, I have no advice for you since I am in the same boat. You have two other kiddos and are a good mom so don't second guess yourself. If Dave gives you a hard time about it maybe you could remind him that the home and child rearing are mainly your domain since you stay home and he needs to trust that you are making good decisions for your children! With that said, Bob thinks we should let Ella cry it out too. :-)