Last night around 9:30ish, I started getting rather excited about going to bed. And going to sleep. I started cleaning the toy covered frontroom floor, put the dog out to pee, pumped my boobs real quick, and brushed my teeth. Time for bed! Woo hoo!! Before heading that direction though, I got this look from Dave, "the look" and then out came "can we do anything tonight?" Fuck. Shit. Damn it. I don't know why, but being stupid I said back, "Ha ha. No. I'm really enjoying this break." Whooooops! I tried to fix what I said by saying, "I didn't really mean it that way, I'm just really tired and want to hurry and get to sleep before I have to get up in the middle of the night." 'Nuff said. I thought.
Mia AGAIN doesn't understand 10:30 is the latest she's to stay up so we can go to bed so I took 30 minutes to get her asleep again. Then I laid there, and laid there, till around 11:30 when the guilt of my comment made me roll over and ask, "are you mad at me?" (sigh) Everytime I say no I have this guilt that hangs over my body in bed almost like Chinese Water Torture that prevents me from getting a wink of sleep. It sucks. His response back was, "No I'm not mad but I really didn't like what you said." Dude! I just want some freakin sleep! So I responded, "I'm sorry but I'm just tired, you even said you were tired the other day and wanted to start trying to get to bed earlier."
Now we haven't done anything for about 3 1/2 weeks which is like a miracle, actually in 12 1/2 years that's the longest break we've ever had and is it bad that I'm enjoying it? lol Is it bad that I want a few extra minutes of sleep? Long story short, we did go for it and it didn't work out. I'm blaming breastfeeding. Well that and it wasn't really romantic after all that had happened and then you know using condoms........ oh and can't forget my panic attack that I could possibly get pregnant again even with a condom. I feel bad for him, and guilty for not giving it up on demand. I know guys need stress relievers and all but I think at the moment my stress reliever is a good night's sleep. Does anyone else ever feel guilty about not givin' it up?