Well I'm on the road to quitting.....breastfeeding that is. I'm pumping when uncomfortable and right now I'm at 10 hours since and feeling not too engorged. This is one of the most mentally challenging things a woman ever has to do in her life. My brain keeps saying "what the hell are you doing? Quitter!" This happens every freakin time but I'm done. I just can't. I figured alone with pumping and breastfeeding her I was throwing away like 4 + hours a day and that's alot for me considering I have Damien and Dominic home to take care of and tons of housework to do. I'm kinda sad about the whole deal since this is my last experience of breastfeeding but I know she's going to be just fine on formula.
So I got on the scales this morning. I'm down another 5 lbs. (Cringes) This is great though! But it could be from breastfeeding so then I start wondering if I'm making the right choice. Ugh! I'm not going to start back up though. I'm not! So I'm now 170 lbs, the lightest I've been since pregnant with Alex. The weightloss is nice but when I look at myself I just laugh.
Imagine this if you will. Take a container of playdough. Roll it with your hands into a fat rope. Make a peace sign with your fingers and place it gently on the rolled out playdough. Stand it up. That's my body. LOL I look like I was ran over with a car. My waist is small but my bottom half is huge. My boobs area and below needs a bit taken off as well. I look horrible without clothes BUT people say I look great in clothes so I guess that's all that matters right? Not like I need to be running around naked around them all anyways. I always told Dave I would do a tummy tuck after kids but that last surgery made me seriously change my mind. I don't think I want to do an elective surgery and cause myself a ton of pain on purpose.
Now I wonder if I can just keep it off. I want to work out but it's flat impossible right now with Mia unless I do it whenever during the day when she's sleeping but I also have Damien to worry about. I want to eat right too but GOD IT'S SO HARD! I don't have time to eat so I'll grab cookies or eat what the kids are eating. I know there are alot of portioned low calorie items and frozen meals so for now I'm going to just try watching what I eat and see what that does. Any other ideas to help? Let me know! I could use support and help! This is huge to me since seriously I haven't weighed this much in almost 7 years!!