Goodbye Old Friend

March 5th turned out to be one of the hardest days of my life. We have lost 2 other dogs before Bailey but this was the first time we'd put one down. Our first "baby" Dusty died Oct 2005 at 8 yrs old when he couldn't make it across the highway in time. Our 2nd was shot believe it or not in town before we moved out here in the country. Dusty had been shot too but lived however she was taken by some coward in the country and dumped off. Both experiences were horrific. This one was different because we actually ended his life.

Bailey had been slowing down. With the cold weather and being inside loafing he had really packed on the pounds. I was constantly nudging him to get out to go potty or even get out of his bed. March 2nd it was around 60 degrees so I put him outside so he could run around. Usually when it's nice he starts to lose weight because he's out more. Well that night I couldn't find him but could here him sorta whining like he normally does when he wants in. I went out and a sinking feeling came over me because I knew his back had went out again. It happened about a year and a half ago and I found him in the same spot in the flower bed unable to walk. I brought him in and hoped that maybe he'd walk again quickly because he was atleast able to use his front legs this time. After 3 days though it hadn't, he wouldn't eat or drink and he was just looking miserable and so sad so we made the decision to put him down. I decided to stand outside the door and Dave held Bailey because he sometimes will bite at needles and I didn't want to see any of that. They planned to open the door for me to be with him after the injection but he died within the second they did it. Our vet told us when it happens that way they are ready to go. I came in though and cuddled him anyways.

Bailey was our oldest dog at 12 years and as I compare pictures of what he looked like younger to what he looked like now it's just odd. I guess I really didn't see him a few weeks ago as old but he really was and he was acting it too but I was too busy to notice. I feel awful for what we did, I keep wondering if I would have waited if he could have recovered but then we both knew it was just probably going to become a vicious cycle since Dachshunds are prone to this. The first time took 3 weeks before he regained use of his legs, tons of steriods and a $400 vet bill. I'm doing better with letting him go, the first week was hard and we had so many routines with him that everything I do is a constant reminder. From giving him scraps after meals to going out with me when I took care of the other animals and of course his walks with the kids to the bus everyday. It's hard.