Tuesday, June 17, 2008

So, What Are Your House Rules?

By the title, I'm sure you've guessed, things are just not getting better. I think I'm going to give my sister a month to find someone else and TRY my hardest to not feel bad about this. I'm just going to tell her the truth, I can't say "it's too much because I'm pregnant" because this pregnancy doesn't interfere with our normal family life. I don't feel really pregnant yet! I'm just going to tell her K (the 5 yr old) is just too much for all of us. The 8 yr old is a really great kid and Alex and Dominic love playing with her but as soon as I say K's coming over they groan and so do I! lol

Today she just lost a few bolts while we were outside playing and that's kinda made the deciding factor. I mean the past 4 weeks have been really hard and if I'm not in the same room all hell breaks loose but today was a bit too much. It all started with a balloon her older sister had in her pocket that K wanted. She wanted it so bad she tried prying it from her which I told her to quit and asked M to put it in her pocket which she did. Then a few minutes later she wanted the bike that her sister was on so she tried to push her off and ended up tripping over the back wheel and skinning her knee. After that she started jumping in place screaming that she wanted the bike. Then she ran away from me when I was trying to put a bandaid on her knee. Got that on and then she was still pouting, chasing her sister and then threw herself on the cement kicking and screaming. She started throwing her shoes over and over,whining, running and jumping in place to get her frustrations out. Finally Dominic said, "K you're a big baby!!" Laughing. I told him to knock it off but saying it once she started shrill screaming "I'M NOT A BABY!!!!!" Over and over still throwing her shoes and then beating Dominic (still laughing) with her horse webkinz. Finally I had her come in and sit on the couch. I can only imagine what my neighbor was thinking standing over in his yard talking to his company.

I really think that my sister has no control over her kids and the way she acts herself is rubbing onto them. She's 25, treats K like a princess, has an on and off relationship with her abusive cop significant other, leaves the kids anywhere with whoever will take them so she can get some alone time. I don't think I mentioned this but back in May my 8 yr old niece was on the playground and kicked a basketball at this 80 yr old woman with a cane walking to her car from the school trying to trip her and was laughing at the old woman when she almost fell. The teachers saw it and put her in ISS. My sister pulled K from the daycare she was at because when K was throwing a fit at the center and my sister was standing right there, the director said "you deal with this because I can't." and then she walked off. I'm not the only one who's had problems with her behavior.

A few days ago K came up and said, "does David live in a new house?" My sister and her cop man now are seperated but still always together. I told her "no we don't fight so he lives here with us." She spouted out, "well my mommy and daddy fight all the time. When my daddy's mad he says 'fuckin shit! fuckin bitch!! fuckin assssssss!'" I told her we don't talk like that because those are really bad words and she continued to say them and then told me "it's ok because I'm just telling you what my daddy says." Dave said something to my sister who said the exact same thing. Sorry but my kids aren't EVER allowed to cuss no matter what!

So anyways the fights, fits and other crap is driving me over the edge. I know if I tell my sister I'm quitting on her she'll probably try to have my 70 yr old grandma try to watch them and that's not right. I told my grandma about the mess of how she was acting today and she was making excuses for her. When my grandma showed to take the 4 oldest skating I told K I don't know if she should go because of her behavior today in which she replied, "it's ok because I'm always good for Grandma." I told my grandma to go ahead and take her but I worry if she throws a fit how my frail grandma is going to hold her own. Grandma says she'll be fine (of course) but I don't think so. She's getting to the age where she's had health issues and needs to be careful.

So anyways we'll see. For now I want to make a big rule sheet and stick it on my fridge. So in my situation what rules should I write down? My kids know the rules and they know if they act up they lose something. Usually a favorite toy or no favorite internet site. Something small it's timeout for 5-20 minutes depending on their age. That's easy punishment that works here. Usually just a loud warning of "CUT THE CRAP OUT!" works for Dominic and Alex, not so much for Damien. lol For K I've been doing timeout, taking her toys, warnings of an approaching nap and finally a nap when she just won't behave after all the warnings.
What are your rule suggestions. And consequences. Please I'm begging.


utmomof5 said...

First of all -- No swearing!! that would be the forst hing on my list, you do not want your kids picking up on those choice words (cuz you know they will repeat them for the forst time somewhere highly inappropriate)
Second -- no violence!! I tell my kids if they are mad or frustrated they can hit thier pillow and nothing else. (Of course they follow that rule perfectly, LOL)
Third -- Respect for you or any adult. This is an important life lesson. They will almost always have an authority figure in their life. (parents, teachers, bosses)

Good Luck -- if nothing works you have to tell your sister no more watching her kids. Your family adn kids have to come first!

jude said...

Hey there. First off Congrats. I am so happy for you!
some of my rules are as follows. Shoes off at the door. Not hats on in the house. Shirts and pants on at the table for eating. No talking back, No hitting and no toy throwing. Just a few of many for ya!