My Mother's Outlook

I had a few lovely conversations with my mom about my niece ordeal. My mother and sister are 2 peas in a pod so I knew she'd probably be in a tizzy over the whole thing. Last night she tells me that she knew this was a bad idea and she should have left them at the center they were at. I told her I was trying to help J because she's broke and complained how much they were going to charge her during the summer so I offered to help. She tried to make it sound like at first that I am a threat to K and she didn't like to be bossed around. I told my mom that one day when she was coming to pick up K and M for my sister that K started saying "I don't want to go with that grandma, I don't like her." So she must not like her rules either. lol She didn't care to hear that. ;) According to my mom K is an angel at her house, she never has problems. Whatever. Everytime K and M are over there I hear her yelling at them about this that and the other. So when I could hear K in the background at her house making my mom mad she wanted to quickly get off the phone and put them in bed because they were "tired"..... she could tell.

She calls me back this morning at 7:30 am. Apparently when my mom tried putting the kids to bed at 9 (mine had already been in bed for 1 hr) it didn't work and they wanted to go home. I believe they were just missing their mom since all K said was how much she missed her mommy when she was here all day. Her sister M had said, "we don't get to see her till tomorrow!" So that sounds like missing mom to me. Anyways- Finally at 11 pm she took them home when my sister got home from school. She said she expressed to them how mad and hurt she was that they weren't going to stay over which out of my mom would be screaming (lol) and that they weren't going to stay the night ever again. Nice eh? Sounds like she has a handle on them well right?

So she tells me that she hopes I'll reconsider and watch them all summer long. I told her I would watch M but not K. So here's a list of what she tells me. PS: she has never watched all 4 of mine or all 6 grandkids EVER. This post is basically an FYI for me to go back and read so I can remember how horrible she really is sometimes.

1) I don't do anything with the kids and if I did puzzles and games, interacting with them that they would probably act better.- sure i don't do puzzles and games with them. They are 5 and 8 yrs old! I get out things for them to do and they do them together! I'm sure Alex really wants me on the floor playing Polly Pocket! I do play with Mia and Damien though especially outside when they need alot of guidance. Mia and Damien are always by my side helping play clean or drawing when we're in the kitchen or we play with puzzles, books, toys in the front room.

2) I don't have the patience for daycare.-advice from a mom who ran her own daycare and screamed at them and us all through our childhood.

3) If I didn't have so many kids maybe I could do daycare better.- Mia is the only one I've added since I quit doing daycare and I had 6-8 kids on a normal basis before Mia with no behavioral issues with any of those children.

I'm just going to ignore it (Dave of course is dying to lay into her) I felt like crying by the time we got off the phone though. She is just evil.

So, What Are Your House Rules?

By the title, I'm sure you've guessed, things are just not getting better. I think I'm going to give my sister a month to find someone else and TRY my hardest to not feel bad about this. I'm just going to tell her the truth, I can't say "it's too much because I'm pregnant" because this pregnancy doesn't interfere with our normal family life. I don't feel really pregnant yet! I'm just going to tell her K (the 5 yr old) is just too much for all of us. The 8 yr old is a really great kid and Alex and Dominic love playing with her but as soon as I say K's coming over they groan and so do I! lol

Today she just lost a few bolts while we were outside playing and that's kinda made the deciding factor. I mean the past 4 weeks have been really hard and if I'm not in the same room all hell breaks loose but today was a bit too much. It all started with a balloon her older sister had in her pocket that K wanted. She wanted it so bad she tried prying it from her which I told her to quit and asked M to put it in her pocket which she did. Then a few minutes later she wanted the bike that her sister was on so she tried to push her off and ended up tripping over the back wheel and skinning her knee. After that she started jumping in place screaming that she wanted the bike. Then she ran away from me when I was trying to put a bandaid on her knee. Got that on and then she was still pouting, chasing her sister and then threw herself on the cement kicking and screaming. She started throwing her shoes over and over,whining, running and jumping in place to get her frustrations out. Finally Dominic said, "K you're a big baby!!" Laughing. I told him to knock it off but saying it once she started shrill screaming "I'M NOT A BABY!!!!!" Over and over still throwing her shoes and then beating Dominic (still laughing) with her horse webkinz. Finally I had her come in and sit on the couch. I can only imagine what my neighbor was thinking standing over in his yard talking to his company.

I really think that my sister has no control over her kids and the way she acts herself is rubbing onto them. She's 25, treats K like a princess, has an on and off relationship with her abusive cop significant other, leaves the kids anywhere with whoever will take them so she can get some alone time. I don't think I mentioned this but back in May my 8 yr old niece was on the playground and kicked a basketball at this 80 yr old woman with a cane walking to her car from the school trying to trip her and was laughing at the old woman when she almost fell. The teachers saw it and put her in ISS. My sister pulled K from the daycare she was at because when K was throwing a fit at the center and my sister was standing right there, the director said "you deal with this because I can't." and then she walked off. I'm not the only one who's had problems with her behavior.

A few days ago K came up and said, "does David live in a new house?" My sister and her cop man now are seperated but still always together. I told her "no we don't fight so he lives here with us." She spouted out, "well my mommy and daddy fight all the time. When my daddy's mad he says 'fuckin shit! fuckin bitch!! fuckin assssssss!'" I told her we don't talk like that because those are really bad words and she continued to say them and then told me "it's ok because I'm just telling you what my daddy says." Dave said something to my sister who said the exact same thing. Sorry but my kids aren't EVER allowed to cuss no matter what!

So anyways the fights, fits and other crap is driving me over the edge. I know if I tell my sister I'm quitting on her she'll probably try to have my 70 yr old grandma try to watch them and that's not right. I told my grandma about the mess of how she was acting today and she was making excuses for her. When my grandma showed to take the 4 oldest skating I told K I don't know if she should go because of her behavior today in which she replied, "it's ok because I'm always good for Grandma." I told my grandma to go ahead and take her but I worry if she throws a fit how my frail grandma is going to hold her own. Grandma says she'll be fine (of course) but I don't think so. She's getting to the age where she's had health issues and needs to be careful.

So anyways we'll see. For now I want to make a big rule sheet and stick it on my fridge. So in my situation what rules should I write down? My kids know the rules and they know if they act up they lose something. Usually a favorite toy or no favorite internet site. Something small it's timeout for 5-20 minutes depending on their age. That's easy punishment that works here. Usually just a loud warning of "CUT THE CRAP OUT!" works for Dominic and Alex, not so much for Damien. lol For K I've been doing timeout, taking her toys, warnings of an approaching nap and finally a nap when she just won't behave after all the warnings.
What are your rule suggestions. And consequences. Please I'm begging.

Ungrateful

I have come to realize there are a few people in my family who are so ungrateful it makes me completely sick to my stomach. We'll start with this example......

My sister J calls to talk to Dave about her computer woes. Dave is very good with computers and has even went to school for networking and other things. When anyone has a problem they want Dave to come over and fix it for free. This happens equally between family and friends and it's not that he doesn't want to come do it for free, it's just time consuming. Most of the time he requests that they bring their hard drive and he'll fix it when he gets a chance. So my sister brings by her hard drive which will not start at all. He cleans it while they are here and offers to let her borrow one of the hard drives we have. We have a total 8 computers in our house. She takes it home because she has college homework to do and she doesn't know how to install her DSL software on it and get it to work so she calls Dave 30 minutes after getting home complaining to him. Then the next day after she finally gets it on there she calls to complain that the thing has Windows 98 and not XP, she doesn't like it and if he's got her computer fixed.

My mother, can be a witch. We do alot of things for her but then when she does something for us, she almost sounds like she wants repaid but not with money in other ways. For example Dave sprayed the outside of her house to kill elm bugs. Did he get a Thank you? Nope he never does she just expects him to do it since he kills bugs for a living. A week after this I asked her if she could watch the kids so I could take Damien to his Dr's appt so she did then afterwards I told her thanks and she said her repayment will be to use the hot tub that night. Dave was hot, he said her repayment should be the $100 treatment he did on her house to kill all the bugs. She's never came to get soak in the hot tub because she makes these plans then cancels, just as she did with Alex the other day. I get so tired of her making plans then canceling them so I told Dave the other day when she says she wants to do something with the kids, I'm not even telling them anymore till she shows up or I show up at her house because I'm tired of them getting their hearts broken. Or I should say Alex's heart broken because she never wants to do anything with Dominic anyways.

My aunt and uncles really have me stumped along with my mother. These are grown adults yet they expect my grandma and grandpa to hand over cash all the time to them. They have jobs and are capable of making their own money but why do they always ask my grandparents for money? My grandparents just paid $200 + to have my cousin come to town. Why didn't his own parents pay? I have never asked my parents or my grandparents EVER for money. I've been buying my own things since I was 16 and had a job. The worst part is when it comes to Christmas, their anniversary, or birthday's Dave and I make an effort to get them a great gift and recognize the occasion while their own kids spend like $10-20 bucks on them. Does that not make you want to puke?

I don't know what to think anymore. I used to go on and on about how my cousin, who has 5 kids from different dad's, made me so disgusted how she took advantage of the government (welfare) . She even told a friend of mine (not knowing she was a friend) how to get welfare to pay for her pregnancy since she's never paid for anything medically on her kids. My grandma bends over backwards for her also helping financially anyway she can because she feels sorry for her. I remember when I first started dating and my grandma used to say we'd better never get pregnant without being married or ever date any colored people. Look at my white trash cousin with 5 kids all from different colored dads (3 black dad's, 1 Mexican) and pampered daily by grandma.

Alot of these emotions are coming about with Thanksgiving and Christmas around the corner. Tis the season I guess. The recent actions of my sister and my mother I will try to bypass as if nothing has happened. I try not to let my mom crawl under my skin. My sister J likes to say "you look just like mom" I think the next time I hear that out of her, I'll just have to say "I may look like her but I sure as hell don't act like her.....but you do" Wonder how well that would go?

Fight with Mom

I haven't talked to my mother since Saturday and still don't know if I'm ready to. Unfortunately we are too much the same and so we are both bull headed on certain things.

Friday night I called her to ask if she'd be able to watch our kids while we mowed the grass. She said yes so I told her we'd be doing it around 5 PM on Saturday. She called Saturday morning and told Dave that she would be out and about till 3 PM but would be able to do it after that. Well she called around 3 PM and said she had picked up my 5 yr old niece Madison and was going to Walmart to buy flowers. I didn't really think much of it and just said to be home by 5 so we could get started. She calls at 5 saying she was on her way home and I could bring our kids over. I was pissed because I told her we wanted to start at 5 so I asked her how she planned on planting these flowers while watching Dominic since all he wants to do is run around and she wouldn't be able to keep an eye on him while planting flowers. She said that she was going to have him help plant flowers. Right! A 2 yr old help plant flowers?? He'd throw dirt and tear the flowers apart, I know him well. I told her that wouldn't work because he's not going to do that and she said that if he ran off she'd smack his butt one for running off. After that remark I got major pissed. I told her if she would have told me she had these plans yesterday I would have never asked her to watch the kids. She got all mad and said "I've had plans to plant flowers for about a week now" and I told her "we'll thanks for telling me this yesterday!" This is all a bunch of bullshit because she told me earlier that Madison wanted $5 so she was going to have her plant flowers and this had just came about on Saturday morning. She could have waited to do that with Madison on Sunday. Finally I told her "you know what, forget it, I'll just call Dad because they have more fun at his house anyways" BIG PAUSE from her and I hung up. She tried calling back and I told her "get your fuckin priorities straight" and hung up on her. Not very nice of me to say but I was pissed.

Here's the thing. My kids have always been backseat to her. I don't know if it's because Dave and I make a decent living and she just feels sorry for my sister because he boyfriend cop is a loser and won't ever help her out plus she's always broke. It just seems because we do better in life that she doesn't need to help us at all. My dad on the other hand praises us, helps us when he can, loves watching the kids even complains that they don't visit enough. He is the preaching type though and will go on and on about what you need to do in life but I can handle it. My sister though can't because he speaks the truth. He tells her she needs to get married unstead of relying on huge tax refunds at the end of the year, tells her to save her money instead of blowing it on stupid crap, the normal "dad" concerns. She doesn't come around him usually unless it's a holiday because she hates how he gives her advice on everything.

My sister has always had it hard pretty much because she puts herself in dumb situations. All the guys that she's been with since Madison was born have been losers who can't make any money. She's with a cop who makes money BUT he has 2 kids a month apart in age from 2 different women! Nice huh!! She's lived with my mom with Madison until about 2 yrs ago when she finally was able to move out on her own. Now that Alex and Madison are 5 yrs old and getting abit smarter, Alex realizes that her Grandma has Madison over ALL THE TIME. How often does Alex go over?? Maybe once a month. Madison? About 10-12 depending how much my sister gets mom to take her OR how many times my mom just goes to her house out of the blue and picks her up. She's never picked up Alex out of the blue that I remember, and done something special just with Alex. Even MY Grandmother (mom's mom) is this way. She does things with Madison just never with Alex. My sister has them watching her kids when she goes to night school, has hair and nail appointments, goes to Walmart???, mows her grass, or even when her man is too lazy to watch them. The going to Walmart cracks me up. Here I am with a 2 yr old toddler boy who is so impatient and my 5 yr old going to Walmart, Dillons, Sams, etc and I don't need anyone to watch my kids! I do it by myself all the time! If Dave's had a hard day at work I take the kids and go so he can be alone.

I can't say that I feel bad for what I said to my mom because I don't. It's the truth. The kids do love going to Grandpa's and have more fun there and she should have told me friday night about these so called "plans". I asked her last week if she'd watch the kids tomorrow morning so I could take Dominic to the zoo for Alex's field trip but I've decided I'm just taking my son and the 3 day care kiddos too. I don't need her help. We'll see if she calls tonight, probably not but that's fine with me.

I think the worst part is that Alex knows what's going on. She heard me on the phone and was crying because she knew she wasn't going to grandma's and Madison was there. It breaks my heart seeing her sad like that and feeling left out. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry again.