I'm Not Mom!!

What a Sad Sad Sad week! I have graduated. I should say Dom and I have both graduated. Dom has caused Damien graduate as well and I am so terribly upset. I am no longer "mommy" or "momma." to either boy. I am only Mom. I hate it. Dave is still Daddy or as Damien says, "Dadda". He knows this is killing me so he's asked them quietly (I still heard him!) to call me mommy or momma because I like that better.

Mom just shows that my kids are getting older. I don't want to be a mom. I want to be mommy or momma! For about 4 days now all Dominic and Damien have called me now though is Mom.
:(

Becoming Fairly Noticeable

After church the other day one of the volunteers in the nursery asked if she could speak to me about Damien. We've been having some MAJOR Al Bundy moments going on, constantly pulling his hand out of his pants so I figured for sure it was that but surprisingly it wasn't. It was however his speech that the lady had noticed and she wanted to ask me if I was getting him any help. She works for Early HeadStart and said he could probably get into their program automatically but I let her know that he indeed is getting help from the Early Intervention center in town.

I'm not stupid. I know Damien is WAY behind (9 month speech level) I realize that people see how big he is and that he can't speak a single word. I realize he drools and spits when he does muster anything besides momma and dadda. I know his tongue sticks out a bit more than a normal kid. I guess this would be the first time however I felt like I was put on the spot like I wasn't helping the poor kid. I had some shirts made for Dominic a year ago and maybe I should do the same for Damien to announce that yes I am fully aware of his problems. Dominic has shirts that say "I have ADHD, what's your excuse?" and "I don't act like this at home."

Anyways- I hope I wasn't too defensive. I told her he has Speech Apraxia with severe tongue thrust and it could be years before he spoke any words. She then told me he needed to learn sign language. (sigh) I know she meant well but I hate when people I don't even know try giving me their opinions like I have no freakin clue! Anyone else been there done that?

Now To Find A Name

Well the sono went well! The baby was not real active but everything seems to be fine according to my OB. I haven't felt much at all which is why it's been really hard for me to believe I'm pregnant. No morning sickness, no kicks and 20 weeks now, just been a bit odd I guess! They think that since I'm so busy I'm just not noticing much. After the kids are bed, late at night on the couch I *think* I feel things but not real sure! What I have noticed is my right leg looks uglier with these veins as the weeks go by. Ugh.

After lunch for fun I told Alex, Dom, and cousin Madison to go write down some baby names for their new sister. We'll get to their list in just a few minutes. lol She went down to her room and grabbed a yearbook because there's nothing like naming their siblings after classmates names they believe are cool. lol It's been hilarious listening to them giggle as they try pronouncing the names and then write them down.

So I must admit, I was shocked it was a girl!! Holy Moley! I thought for sure it'd be a boy but like I said, I've been wrong every time. I think how neat this is that we have 2 boys and now 2 girls so close in age but then I get sad because Alex doesn't have a girl sibling around her age.

Anyways she is weighing in at a whoppin 10 oz and had 158 bpm on her little heart. She was not moving at all which freaks me out a bit but they said it's not uncommon. Usually they are going haywire in there, sucking thumbs, waving, etc. They did get her to budge a little and show us a shot of the goods but it wasn't a normal straight on field goal shot. The sono tech has saw me through every one of our kids and she let me guess first everytime. I said "Oh my, I really think that looks like a girl!" She said, "you know I think so too!" Dave was sitting there squinting like what the heck are you all seeing that I'm not. lol

Well, I see 3 perfectly straight lines all symetrical in matching GIRL parts.

And this one I see the cutest little nose and side view of someone I can't wait to snuggle with!

And here are some of Alex and Madison's names they picked out from her yearbook.

*Angel

*Angelina

*Catey

*Taylor

*Mina

*Maggy

*Remington (Alex's good friend lol)

*Olivia

*Kalea

*Courtney

*Emily
***************************************************************************

Daddy is still dead set on Gabriella. Which means it will be a fight to the finish. I want a whole bunch of names but I love Gianna (G-On-ah) which means God is Gracious.

It's Finally Here!

Tomorrow morning we find out the sex of the baby! Holy Cow!! This day has taken forever to arrive but it's finally here. I will post as soon as I can because I'm eager to share. ;) Tomorrow will be the deciding factor if we are buying triple bunk beds for Dom's room (if it's a boy) or if I'm decking out Mia and Damien's room all girly pink for girls (if it's a girl) Eventually we're going to add on here to this house or have to think about moving. lol 4 bedrooms isn't enough!

Unfreakin-believable

Alex stayed at my sister's last night with her cousin Madison. My sister had some school thing planned so my dad took her 2 and Alex at 9:30 am this morning. Then my dad decided to keep Madison and Alex overnight tonight. Talking to my mom on the phone earlier about it she asked, "what about K?" (my sister's 5 yr old) I said, "oh I think she's back with J." My mom said, "well I'll have to call J and see if she wants me to keep K overnight so she can have some alone time." I said, "Take my 3, Dave and I could use some alone time!!" She responded back, "well I don't want THREE, just ONE." OMG Dave is so pissed and me, I'm not surprised at all because I already have bitched about my mother and her favoritism with my sister.

In other news, we are still alive and slept right through 30 minutes of tornado sirens according to family frantically trying to call us at 12:30 AM. Whoops! It was actually far enough to the south we probably didn't have a chance of getting hit. After everything that happened with Greensburg a year ago, another tornado struck to the East of outside of town last night but was small enough there was no damage. That was the storm cell that ventured to our town last night and we're about 1.5 hrs East of there. The 3rd day in a row now of tornadoes dropping, this Tornado season is starting out rather busy!

An Agreement

Thanks again everyone for all the words of wisdom dealing with D's crazy schedule. Jess, I think as long as I've known you that Bob's schedule has always been insane. So funny about him on the Blackberry in the middle of the night because 2 weeks ago we started getting calls over and over at 2 am and it was ADT security calling his phone that the alarm had tripped and they were sending someone to check it out. Then the other service manager called to see if he talked to ADT so he was quietly chatting in the bathroom to these people. Frustrating.


Last night I asked, if he gets 3 weeks a year for vacation if he could take atleast 1 day off a month. It was like smacking him because he didn't have a V8 for the day. PS. This is a guy who lost ALL his vacation last year because he didn't use it!!! He gave this strange look and said "I could probably do that.......starting in July." He said he'd alternate Mondays and Fridays which works for me. Last night he came home around 6:30 and I had steaks for him to grill. He chatted on the phone the whole time he grilled them running in and out of the house. I was annoyed but kept my mouth shut. I thought he was going to quit doing that, obviously I wasn't VOCAL enough.


Today is the last day of school. This was my frazzled morning. I woke up at 6:30 to get Alex ready and out the door. In the span of 6:30-7 am I made her a sack lunch, prepared 18 goodie bags, and popped 24 cupcakes in the oven for her birthday treats for her class. I woke Dom up at 7 and got him ready, fed and on the bus by 7:30. Flew to the shower as soon as the bus backed out of the driveway. By 8 am I woke Damien and Mia, gave them sippy cups and cereal in the van and off to the store we went. I bought Dominic a Congrats Grad mylar balloon, some candy bars, a Hotwheel and silly string for a goodie bag to tie with the balloon. Then I grabbed a sheet of premade chocolate cupcakes. I raced home and got the kids dressed and hair fixed by 9:00. Then I frosted the cupcakes, packed up the goodie bags, cupcakes, and Capri Suns in the van by 9:15. After that I grabbed the camera, camcorder, and of course the kids and put them all in the car. By 9:30 I was on my way to the 10 am graduation and shew! I got there with about 10 minutes to spare! I wasn't sure how much time I would have so I left Alex's birthday party stuff in the car for a bit and my dad and Dave helped me get the kids in the stroller and in the door for the graduation. I actually did get Dave to come but it took a serious guilt trip to pull it off. He'd came to Alex's and I told him that wasn't right at all not to make Dom's big day. After graduation my grandparents watched the babes in the stroller and Dave and I ran out to the car to get the birthday goodies taken to Alex's room so he could get back to work. At 11 am I raced all the way back to town and for the big Graduation day I got us all McDonalds. What a morning!


And here's a few pics of Dominic's big day!
He's wearing my old cap here (his school colors)
Before I forget too, my big sono is 6 days away. I put a poll on the left side if anyone wants to guess the sex for our tiebreaker. I'm so curious as to what it could be, I have no clue but everytime I guess I've been wrong and it's been the opposite. Yes, all 4 times, I've been wrong!

Tragic

I was so sad to learn this morning that Steven Curtis Chapman's little girl Maria was accidently ran over yesterday at their home. Here's more for anyone interested and there's a beautiful video of little Maria. You can also send thoughts and prayers to the family. If you've ever heard Steven Curtis Chapman's music, you know he sings so much of his family and beautiful girls. His song Cinderella makes me cry, today it makes me bawl.

How To Make Kids Happy

You'll need:

1 jar of nearly emptied dill pickles

1 set of Popcicle Molds

1 Freezer that can quickly freeze

Final Product is frozen Picklecicles that kids adore. Nothing like salt and vinegar as an afternoon snack outside in the sun. I have passed my love of pickles down and all 4 of my kids are fanatics.

Much Better Day

Thank you for listening to me whine Saturday. I hate when I have days like that. Saturday afternoon when he came home I was busy putting away toys and he kept asking if I was ok. I knew I'd looked like I'd been crying but told him my allergies were really bad so I *think* he believed that. I asked if we could do some work outside and he said he'd get to mowing. Since he had recently weed eated that didn't need done so the yard looks pretty decent. Now we just need the weed killer to get busy. There was one part where he was ready to call it good and my hormones started talking. I told him he never moves some things and just mowed around and I was tired of the yard looking like some redneck trailer trash lived at our house. He helped me move a bunch of stuff and then mowed over those areas again. lol

That evening he was really nice and thought the hot tub might do me some good so we went out there to unwind. Things were fine for about 20 minutes. I had both sets of jets on and got my back and neck pounded on for a good 15 minutes. After shutting that off and it was dead quiet (except for chattering coyotes) and I confessed looking up at the bright full moon that after I called him about when he'd be home I cried like a baby for about a hour. Then, of course, I started bawling again. He sat me on his lap in the water and he gave me the best back rub ever. I laid there with my head on his shoulder and let go. I just told him I feel like all he does is work, at home it's all about work, I felt like I have to hound him to help around the house or he's on the computer for work. I hate that he's management, I hate all the meetings, I hate his work Razr cell phone, I hate networked Microsoft Outlook at my house......I hate it all. I was sooooooo close to saying I wanted him just to quit there, find a job locally less money and we'd deal. I have thought this out. I could make $10-15K doing daycare to make up some lost money if he was to do that. But we'd lose sooo much. Free gas, free truck, huge quarterly bonuses, monthly commission, discounts to all the subsidiaries, really good insurance, profit sharing, his ability to run errands while out driving so we don't have to use our vehicle. It's a very good to us job. If they wanted Dave to work or go somewhere in the past they say pack up your family and take them. He's so good at what he's doing right now (a top service manager in his region) that he's working to hopefully win some trip to the Carribean.

Anyways, I'm not sure if things will change. I don't know if they can. I know when he is home they probably will but his schedule won't. I imagine having 2 more kids here this summer will have me feeling more stressed and lonely but I do have quite a few friends I'll see all summer at the ball games coming up and when I gather our Brownies together for a few meets through the summer I'll have my mom friends to hang out with. I love staying home and wouldn't change it for anything but I think every once in awhile I guess we just need to let off steam. I think the past month it's been in the making. I've been really uptight about the housework, about the outside of the house, about the house being so cluttered. It's just built up until I just needed to cry about it all. I think when I bring him to what my world is like and what I am feeling, he gets it.

Married To His Job and I've Had It!

I've spent soooo much time outside with the kids lately. We have tons of baby birds sitting in nests around our property. The weather's been perfect for being out but it's also been easier to keep the house clean if we just go out forever. Sadly, I have no tan yet over this. This week has been harder than ever. I feel like I'm drowning with things to do in and out of the house. Damien has whined and cried about everything. Mia, the girl constantly hangs on my legs crying when I don't pick her up and the kicker has been D and work.

I feel like I've put up with a lot of crap regarding his work. Since he was promoted to management last July I feel it's ruled his life. I often wonder if it really is this demanding or if he makes it that way. His schedule, the cell phone calls he takes whenever, the constant time on the computer when he's home. He's been working his normal 6:30-6:30 pm schedule (till 8pm on Mondays) but as soon as he comes home, he is still working. Last night trying to figure out dinner I was stunned when both kids were screaming and crying hanging on me and he sat his ass at the table on the laptop not doing a thing to help. Finally after 40 minutes of him being online placing a "chemical order" I said, "can that wait till say....the kids are in bed?" Pissed him off but he got up finally. I know his work is his little escape but I don't have one. I really feel when he comes home he should leave work behind. I finally exploded today after I called him to find out when he'd be home and he said by 3 pm.....It's Saturday. I got off the phone and just bawled. Heck I'm still crying, right along with Damien which who knows what the hell his deal is.

Maybe I've just been up too long. Mia woke at 6:30 while we were getting busy in bed. He was too tired last night. We had to quit, I got up for her, he got a shower and out the door to work he went. I took my shower by 7:30, took the kids outside at 10 am and started doing some lawn work. I weed eated and trimmed a bush that was severely overgrown. My allergies are kicking my ass more than ever now. I took a 3 hour nap yesterday and I'm sure it's allergy related. I want a nap daily or i feel like I can't go on. 3 hours yesterday did nothing but make me even more tired and not want to do anything last night so I left the house a mess and went to bed around 11.

I feel on my own, each and everyday. I know people come over and they say the house looks fine quit being so hard on myself...blah blah blah. No it doesn't. The house is dirty, the outside to me is starting to look like a landfill site with crap laying everywhere but if I want anything done, I have to do it. I'm seriously considering after this weekend (and when I can call without crying) trying to find a lawn company to swing by once a month and do the yard. This is the biggest flaw I have with Dave. It's the one thing as a kid my dad perfected and so when he comes by he gives me a load of crap about it looking so bad. "Why haven't you put down weed b gone? Why haven't you fertilized?" I guess I would have expected him to have more pride in a yard but he really cares less. When he mows on the rider, he mows so fast just so he can get it done. I had to beg him last week to get out the weed eater and do around the fence. He didn't do crap in the house last night to help but spent another hour after the kids were in bed on the company websites.

And to show you how much I've done lately (the past week) and why I'm at my breaking point here's a list of things that he had no desire in helping with.

* emptied metal shed and swept clean of mouse turds

* emptied garage and swept out all mouse turds

* Spring cleaned the barn, cleaned the floor down to the dirt, got rid of hay twine, etc.

* washed up all the kids ride on toys free of dust

* washed, vac'd, and windexed the old minivan before we traded it in.

* trimmed the enonomus bush

* weeded the flower bed in the front yard completely

* Did 3 arrangements of flowers in pots for the front yard

* weed eated all around the playground equipment in the backyard

* helped control Echo while the farrier did her feet for me yesterday

* ran Dominic to ball, Alex to 4H, Alex to ball....but he did take A to her 4H rabbit club and pick her up from ball just so I could get baths done and kids to bed. (sigh)

And next week he'll be in Oklahoma for 2 days for management meetings. He's missing a BBQ for Dominic's class which I'd been asking him to come to. I also did take on my sister's kids for daycare this summer. I start in less than 2 weeks. I told her $500 a month (2 kids, 10 hrs daily 5 days a week)which is a steal but I'm helping her and I could use the money. I'm just worried if I'm breaking down now how the 12 weeks of summer with 2 kids is going to go.

Rock Out!!

Sitting at a stoplight yesterday I noticed the van seemed to be jumping in place rather oddly like something kinky was going on in the back. I looked in my "I-can-see-everything-y'all-are-doing-back-there-van-mirror" to see Alex with her head thrashing, jumping in her seat with her seatbelt on, her hand in the air in a I love you rock star pose, and her starting to sing loudly to my Sirius radio playing Miley Cyrus/ Hannah Montana "See You Again." Dominic was sitting right next to her not even noticing as he played his Thomas game concentrating on the screen and Mia and Damien were glued to El Tigre on the other. I was the only one who seemed to notice the new hydraulic system the van acquired. I didn't say a word though (she'd be so embarrassed) and let her finish her solo. Oh the joys of pop star idols. Anyone else have a Hannah Fan?? I already know after this, I'm buying her the CD for her birthday coming up.

If you're unfamiliar with the song, here's the chorus that sent her into rock out mode each time it came on.

The last time I freaked out,

I just kept looking down

I stu-stu-stuttered when you asked meWhat I'm thinkin' 'bout

Felt like I couldn't breathe

You asked what's wrong with me

My best friend Leslie said

"Oh, she's just being' Miley.

"Then next time we hang out,

I will redeem myself,

My heart can rest till then,

Whoa, whoa,I,

I can't wait,To see you again

Rabbits and Rugrats

I swear by the time we get to the time of the County fair, we're going to have a backyard full of rabbits. Not by breeding, but by finding them. So far we have 2 bucks. Here I was worried about a collection of Webkinz a short time ago which are no work at all! I'm ok with it though as I love animals. This is "Oreo" as the kids are calling him but he's not an Oreo because he's blue. I'd rather call him something else, Oreo doesn't fit. He's a Blue Dutch rabbit someone gave to us. Reading up and having some breeders look him over at last nights 4H Rabbit meeting, he's not show able or he could be, he'll just be disqualified quickly. LOL! He has a white blaze down the center of his face but no white blaze on his cheeks at all which is needed for proper fanciness of a Dutch. Oh and no white feet either.



Monday night was one of those multiple things going on kinda nights. (rolling eyes) Dom had ball practice, Alex her regular 4H club meeting, me PTO which I was unable to make it to. I tried sitting through 4H with the boys and Mia but they were loud enough I couldn't hear so I left because of the uncomfortable parent stares I was receiving and took them across the street to the gas station. A mom I know who works there, and I, sat around and chatted for a bit about school, the kids, and summer. The town my kid's attend school has a population of 1,000 so you can see how easily she could just sit around and chat. I bought the boys each a package of Chips a'hoy and Teddy Grahams to engorge in so I could get my adult time. Our kids are in the same class so we chatted about school field trips/events coming up and what the kids were doing this summer. She has 4 boys to entertain so I feel for her. Ball is huge in this small town so we talked about our kids playing ball and when practices were etc. Then she asked how much I thought my grocery bill would go up during the summer. Crap. You know I really hadn't thought. I don't believe it went up more than $100 maybe per month last year but she said she usually expects a few hundred. Now I'm wondering if I should add an extra $200 into the monthly budget for kid food. I've already figured I need an extra $100 a month just to take them to the zoo, parks, museum, water park, speech therapy, etc to keep them busy. I know doing daycare I bought between $150-200 a week so I can easily see me going back to that with 2 bigger kid hungry hippos out of school.


Someone from church referred a woman to me who needs daycare for her 9 month old little girl. She called Monday and was supposed to be coming over yesterday. I stayed home for the day, got the house spotless, did some work on the flower bed, planted and watered flowers so the porch looked nice and she never called or showed. I wasn't happy to say the least. Finally around 7 pm when a light bulb went off and I finally realized she wasn't coming, I packed the kids up and we went for a walk. A short half mile walk and when we got home I was soooo feeling it from everything else I had done to get prepared for the lady to come over. This time I'll blame that I'm seriously out of shape rather than the baby. The kids had a great time though and that's really all that matters. That and the fact this lady never called! Grr!

Back To Normal!

Well D's mother flew out yesterday. I was so happy yet sad that once again she was gone. The week had been really tense with D and I because I had told his mom we had plans a few days after she arrived on Mother's Day. I just don't understand how you can miss telling someone you'll be staying at their place for an extra week!! Anyways up till Saturday evening at 8 pm, he had told me that he was going to stay at church as long as possible and if they hadn't dedicated the kids he'd just leave to take her to the airport which you can imagine pissed me off. But he had a bright idea out of the blue Saturday night that maybe his cousin could run her up there if he dropped her off at her house that morning so he did that and was able to get back, meet me at church and do the Child Dedications with me. Thank God too because I didn't want to be up there by myself with 4 kids, 2 which actions are unpredictable.

Anyways the 2 weeks went decent. She helped straighten up which was nice this time around. She couldn't run off in our truck since we traded it in. She kept taking us out to eat which we normally don't eat out but once a week. We ate out 6 times in 2 weeks!! She made a comment in the van driving somewhere that she could never move back here which really pissed me off. They moved away when Alex was just 2 weeks old and I've always had a grudge because of that. I can not stand them being grandparents when it's convenient. Sending boxes of crap to butter the kids up when they see them in person once a year. They haven't seen D's dad in 3 years because he can't get time off to come with their grandma. My parents are always with them taking them out, playing with them, etc. All they know of Dave's mom is she comes and sits around for 2 weeks. She's got Rheumatoid Arthritis so she can't play much and she complains to all of us that the weather is killing her joints. (sigh)

In other news I think I'm starting to feel movement but I'm not sure since it's still so soft. I chopped off all my hair and told my family I did it because Deb was stressin me out. lol And last we got another 4H Rabbit and the kids are calling him Oreo since he's a Dutch, although he's not black and white he's Silver and white with enormus feet.

I also hope everyone had a great Mother's Day yesterday! I had gave Deb her gift as she left yesterday morning and we got together with my mom and stepmom later after church. Dave made breakfast and lunch for me but that's about it because TECHNICALLY the van was my Mother's Day gift. Alex gave me a plant, Dominic a button decorated picture frame and both gave me cards and these hilarious About My Mother forms the school had them do. According to Alex I'm 7 foot tall. Dominic says I'm Special because I'm the Boss.

Kid Transformation

Damien has turned into a completely different looking kid lately. If you have seen pictures of him in the past few years, you know his hair has always stuck up for no reason at all! Everyone thinks it's cute but I hate it! I've tried everything to calm it down. Nothing works!! Well, Dave had some of this stuff as a sample from a friend of mine who is a barber and told me to try it on him. It's like a wax and you use very little but wow.....the difference!! When it dries, it's not hard, crusty or anything. It's soft and when you run your fingers through his hair it goes back to where it should go.

Before (sorry about the baby powder he got into)

After

Do you have any kind of product you must have no matter what? Toilet paper? Soap? Name brand non generic food? Maneuver by Redken will always be in my bathroom from here on out regardless of my cheap frugal ways. A hair miracle I must say. lol

Escaping To the Great Outdoors

Well one week down, one more to go. lol It's been so draining, but not too bad. Dave asked me the other day how in the world I put 325 miles on my new van in just one week since I usually fill up like once maybe twice a month and I need gas NOW. Well he gets to run off to work everyday while I stay home and entertain. I needed OUT, that is my explanation of 325 miles in a week.

We've spent a ton of time outside too. I had a lovely sunburn last week on my neck thanks to my white super sensitive skin. The weather is perfect though and it's an escape as well! ;) We've cleaned up all the ride ons, now we need to do the same to the playground equipment. Free all the Little tykes from spiderwebs and bird poop. Last night the weather took a turn though and it's supposed to storm the next few so we probably won't be out much. It's been nice playing outside and then bringing Damien in to have him fall asleep 5 minutes later. Since he went into a toddler bed at 22 months, he's never been a napper.

But anyways, everything is going pretty good. Mia is starting to act so much like a big kid. She cracks me up how she understands and copies everything. I've been trying to stay off the computer during MIL's visit except for 5-10 minutes here and there to check in. She stayed the night at Dave's aunt's house so I've been on for 2 hours this morning. lol I would say I've been pretty productive (except for my extra running around). Lots of cleaning done.....now I just need to catch up on that never ending laundry.

And My Complaining Begins.......

Last night I was getting to bed and walking down the hallway I heard D's mom saying something about us giving too much sugar to the kids. He said "what? We hardly ever give them candy." She said no, she was talking about the foods I make for the kids to eat!! Now this is the kinda crap I have complained about in the past is her lecturing on things with our kids when she really has no idea. She was saying that a meal I made the other day was full of starch and THAT'S why the kids act up and Damien has a hard time going to bed. I had made a meatloaf, homemde mashed potatoes and gravy, frozen corn, and macaroni and cheese. All of that was loaded with starch according to her. I know potatoes and mac and cheese have starch, I'm not stupid, but as a mom I'm thinking 1 meat, 2 veggies, and a bread product they're going to eat!! Anyone else deal with this crap or am I the only one?!?! I swear she's critical of everything I do yet she visits and sees the kids once, maybe twice a year.